I took my mother grocery shopping last night...at the Golden Corral. I actually thought I was taking her out to eat. Monday's Shrimp Night, you know. I wondered why she lined her pocketbook with a 30 gallon lawn and leaf bag before she left home. I soon found out. She'd take a bite or two of an item and proclaim it too tough to eat. Next thing you know, she's wrapping the "too tough" item in a napkin and dropping it into her purse.
I bet she took home ten dollars worth of napkins, not to mention the food...everything from steak to baked potato, to rolls, to an assortment of delightful desserts. Rather than being embarrassed, I was just thankful she didn't go from table to table scraping the remains of the meals into her purse. I'm just waiting for the day she asks a stranger, "Are you going to eat that?"
My mother does know how to squeeze a dime. We had a dollar off coupon, so each buffet was $8.39. The total bill (for 3) came to $26.11. As I'm paying the bill, my mother asks the cashier in a very demanding tone, "How did that come to $26.11."
I try to hush her up, but she becomes even more irate.
"No," she says, "I would like to know how that came to $26.11." She would have pulled her calculator out, but evidently she had left that at home so the leftovers wouldn't mess it up.
"They saw us for easy marks," I tell her, "and decided to make us pay sales tax." That seems to satisfy her.
My mother has many good qualities, but she's never been a pure joy to take to a restaurant. I think she gets her pure joy in finding something not to like. I don't really think it's a bad attitude as much as an outright resentment at having to pay restaurant prices. Her attitude is "How dare McDonald's charge me a dollar for a hamburger. I could have made it at home for a lot less." I'm sure on many occasions the waitstaff had wished she had fixed something at home.
Actually, she's not so bad at Golden Corral. As I've said before GC is the mecca of restaurants...lots of food for a relatively good price. Even my mother is okay with the price. It's just that blasted sales tax she resents.
But, I think since she brought home enough food to make several meals, she's probably feeling pretty good today. I hope this doesn't sound like an ungrateful son criticizing his elderly mother. Actually, my mother is okay, once you get to know her. In fact, if you don't know her, stop by. Maybe she'll even share a bowl of left over soft serve ice cream
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5 comments:
I believe the correct observation here is that the apple did not fall very far from the tree.
However, I am very impressed that a pecuniary fellow like yourself would take the time out to treat your mother and one other person. What a guy!
As my admiration grows, I'll be looking forward to eating off your table soon!
AOH
AOH sure does like to show off her vocabulary, doesn't she?
Of course, I'm just jealous because monosyllabic words are almost overwhelming to me.
Mrs. H (H stands for hungry. Think I'll waddle over to Golden Corral)
At least she didn't take the silverware. She would have had to ask for your help in carrying her purse, and the staff might have suspected something!
Just remind you sweet little mom not to do what my daughter did once. On the way out of Ryan's steak house years ago, she grabbed a piece of fried chicken to eat on the way home, and in the car put it in the pocket of her shorts. When I did the laundry the next day, I was in a hurry and didn't check the pockets. When I opened the washer, there were shreds of meat everywhere and I thought some little critter had been pulverized. Ugh! It turned out to be the chicken thigh. Ever since then, I check every pocket.
Darby
Me like big words. Make Steve sound smart. However, pecuniary is so big, that even the definition was over my head. I think AOH is calling me cheap, but I'm not sure.
I do think it's ironic that the word that means one syllable contains 5 syllables. At least I would have thought it ironic, but I looked up ironic and now I'm not so sure. Perhaps it's an example of socratic irony. But, on the other hand, it might be just stupid.
And Darby, thanks for your story. It gives me another chance to remind all of you readers out there, to never eat any meat found in the washer or the dryer, or the garbage disposal.
Don't be so tough on your mother. It's a proven scientific fact that tough food will soften up in a purse after sitting there for a few days.
You better hope your mother doesn't get tough with YOU after calling her 'elderly'.
Figuring that you ate about 15 sirloins that night and you paid around $8 and change for your meal, each sirloin comes out to about 50 cents per sirloin.
Not only that, the 2000 shrimp you must have piled on top of that cost you nothing!
I suggest you wear a different disguise every time you visit Golden Corral. Otherwise they might bar the door when they see you coming! Hope to see you there. I'll be the one who looks like Sherlock Holmes.
music man
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