I have to tell you that I really don't want to die, but now that I've seen everything, I guess death must be near. And, yes, as of this morning, I have now seen everything. The final piece fell into place today when I saw the latest from Mattel Toys. You, may have already heard about this. But, since you're still alive, you probably haven't seen it.
It is the latest Barbie innovation. Barbie's dog, Tanner, poops. It's the latest - Barbie's Fun With Feces Set. I heard about it, but didn't believe it, so I went to Barbie.com and lo and behold I saw a little Barbie video and sure enough, Tanner was pooping.
I wonder what people in third world countries would think if they knew that in America poop was a plaything. Barbie has never been a great toy for teaching kids the realities of life, but this hits a new low. If little girls grow up thinking poop is an odorless, messless, plastic lump, they're in for a rude awakening.
If the poop idea proves successful, and if I live long enough to create this, I have some great ideas for further Barbie adventures. I think Mattel should start a Barbie's Little Litigator Series. Perhaps Ken could become a lawyer and Barbie could sue Cracker Barrel when she finds a rodent (of the plastic variety) in her soup. Or maybe Barbie could find a plastic finger in her plastic ice cream cone, and, to prove damages, go into a plastic court and spew plastic vomit.
The plastic possibilities are endless. How about a G.I. Joe that gets decapitated by terrorists? The kids should love that and, when you think about it, by making terrorism a game, it could help kids better cope with life in the real world, at least, that is, until they go out into the real world.
Although Walt Disney made a fortune out of it, I think there are some things you just can't plasticize. Well, you can plasticize them, but it's probably not a good idea. Just as a small example, think about Tanner's synthetic bowel movement. Are you thinking? What happens when little Suzie sees real dog poop. "Oooh, this is much bigger than Tanner's," she squeals with delight. "Oooh, this is much softer than Tanner's," she discovers as she reaches down to pick it up. "Oooh this stuff smells like...well, you get the picture.
True, kids love to play make believe. It's fun to pretend, but shoveling dog droppings just doesn't seem like the stuff fantasies are made of. Why can't kids just go back to the way it was when I was growing up - you know, when we'd have fun "killing" one another.
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2 comments:
How about this for reality? Pink Slip Barbie. That could teach kids about the future.
Kids could play at Barbie shelling out thousands of dollars to get a piece of paper so she can have a slim oppurtunity to get hired. Over the years she becomes skilled at her work, when her company, not satifisied with making money hand over fist, decides to steal her livelihood, and give it to thier slave labor operation.
Oh, and Barbie loses her health insurance, can't afford chemo, and thus her cancer comes back in force.
And since the mortage payments for her modest house is through the roof, she's only days away from being homeless...
Now that's playtime!
Conversly, Pink Slip Barbie could play the one handing out pink slips. She could be the CEO making tens of millions, while cutting her employee's benefits or stealing thier livelihoods.
And Ken could be her loyal lobbyisist. Stealing livelihoods is too hard, they need some sort of tax incentive to help them create slave camps overseas. And speaking of which, they need to find a way to avoid paying those pesky taxes that go to things like helping people. And above all, Ken could make sure that no lawmaker inadvertently passed something that by any means helped workers.
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