Radio Dazed

I always enjoy hearing a good story on the radio in the morning, as it gives me something to rant and rave about in the blog. But enough already. I'm suffering from personal opinion overload. There are just too many stories in the last 24 hours that I want to chime in on. So let's get started:
The first two stories come under the "Gee, doesn't anyone get embarrassed about anything anymore?" department
First, Pat O'Brian, the host of Access Hollywood, is getting out of rehab and going on Dr. Phil's primetime special. Evidently, O'Brian is just going to sit there and let Dr. Phil tell him how screwed up he is in the head. What? Is he addicted to humiliation too?
And, then there's that Georgia loser, John Mason going on Sean Hannity's radio show and discussing his screwed-up-in-the head girlfriend, Jennifer Wilbanks. You know, I've been dumped by a few girls myself, but I sure didn't want to go on radio and talk about it. I had enough pride to hang my head in shame and lay low for awhile.
And did you hear the latest finger foods story? Evidently this time, unlike the Wendy's incident, there really was a finger in the food. It happened to a guy in Wilmington, North Carolina. He found the finger in some ice cream. The guy says he thought it was ice cream coated candy, so he put it in his mouth and sucked the ice cream off. It didn't taste like candy, so he took it out and discovered he was sucking on someone's finger.
Don't you hate it when that happens? I'd be tasting that finger in my mouth for a week. There wouldn't be enough Listerine in town to get that taste out of my mouth. The reason this story is believable is that an employee had, indeed, lost a finger in a food processor. Doesn't it seem to you that maybe the store would have shut down until they found the finger? Or, at least, put up a sign that read: "Find Bob's finger and win a free pint of ice cream." I guess the management was just hoping the finger would slide on down with the ice cream and never be recognized.
The funniest thing I heard on the radio was on the Mac Watson show yesterday. This was priceless. I wish I could have written something this clever. This guy from Windsor Farms calls complaining about crime in Shockoe Bottom. He says he's been the victim of crime several times in the Bottom. So Mac asks him to elaborate.
Now get this...the guy says on several occasions he's had beggars come up to him asking for a handout. "They wouldn't leave me alone," he says, "so I've had to pepper spray them."
Now, if I know my law, and I've watched enough Law and Order to be pretty knowledgeable here, I'd say it was the Windsor-Farmite that broke the law, and those poor beggars were the victims of crime. So, while technically, there may be crime in the Bottom, the criminals are coming out of Windsor Farms.
So, please, please, be careful if you find yourself out in the Windsor Farms area. It's a good thing no one is suggesting a ballpark be built there. Who'd want to go into Windsor Farms after dark. The place is a hot-bed of crotchety old pepper-spraying criminals. If you have to drive through the area, be sure to lock your doors.
Well, that's it for today. I'm going back to the radio.