Driving Me Nuts

Well, well, well...Richmonders are killing each other on the highways at a record pace. I guess congratulations are in order. The newscaster sounded mighty excited when he reported the story. Personally, I think we should be doing a lot better than we are. I mean, have you seen the way Richmonders drive?
A transplanted New Yorker once told me that Richmonders were the worst drivers he had ever encountered. After I backed up and unpinned his leg, he elaborated. "Richmonders never stop at stop signs," he said. I think he might be onto something. I'm not so sure about stop signs, but I will tell you, from personal observation, Richmond area drivers (except me) never, ever stop before making a right turn on red.
I almost hit an idiot last night. I kind of wished I had. The moron didn't even slow down for the red light. He was determined to make a right turn in front of me. He succeeded. When I pulled along side him, I showed him. I looked over at him and gave him the sternest look I could muster. I know, you were thinking I made some sort of obscene gesture. Nope. I kind of figure, again from personal observation, that the one-finger saluters are probably proudly using sign language to tell you their I.Q.
Admittedly, a stern look is not as effective at night, but I think the guy could feel my glaring baby blues burning a hole in the side of his face.
There are other absurdities that I see along life's highway, that really is a highway. For instance, the bumper-to-bumper-lane-changing-buffoon really gets on my nerves. Do these idiots not realize that if they just stick in one lane it'll be much safer for everyone than constantly squeezing into whatever lane they're not in because it's moving two miles per hour faster than the lane they were in? At best, they might save five or six seconds. But, they've raised my ire in the process, and here's fair warning...you don't want to make me mad. I have IBS.
Then there's the type (99% of all drivers) who, when merging onto a busy interstate highway, don't realize how much better it would be to use the entire acceleration lane rather than stopping as soon as they get anywhere close to the lane they want to be in and waiting for a chance to squeeze in. Why doesn't the DMV give real, practical tests to new drivers? Even imbeciles can tell you what color a stop sign is. But, the majority of drivers have no idea of what true defensive driving is all about.
If you recognize yourself here (and, just a quick personal piece of business to my wife - I wasn't thinking about you in writing this. Really, I wasn't), go ahead and risk your own life if you must, but stay out of my way. If not, I swear, if you should ever get in my way on a lonely dark road, be prepared for a really, really stern look.