All's Fair in Syracuse

Well, I've just returned from four fabulous, fun-filled days in Syracuse, New York. I've passed through Syracuse on previous occasions, but never had the privilege to actually be stuck there. Well, I really wasn't stuck. I was visiting my wife's grandparents. We spent every night playing cards. I was glad to take the time to brighten the lives of this lovely elderly couple. Even though they live very simple lives, they are content with their lot in life. They enjoy the simple things. They didn't even complain, when I won all their grocery money in a card game.
Syracuse is an interesting place. The name, itself, comes from an Indian word meaning "Land of Big-Haired Women." At least, that's my guess. For some reason, the woman there all have long, thick, course hair. Some wear it in a bun, which more closely resembles an entire bread box, attached to their scalps. Others wear it long and flowing down their back. I have to admit, there are few things in life more disappointing than to see beautiful, long, flowing hair cascading down the back of an eighty-year old woman.
Syracuse is also famous for its University and the school's excellence in sports. But judging from SYU's football game with West Virginia this past weekend, my guess is that excellence in sports thing is more history than present or future. I was watching the game with my wife's grandfather, and, of course, had to pretend I was rooting for Syracuse. It's not that I love West Virginia, but, hey, it does have the name "Virginia" in it.
In addition to hairy women and football, Syracuse is also well known for the State Fair. Everywhere I went people would ask me if we were in town for the fair. "You've got to see our State Fair," I was told over and over again, especially by my wife who hadn't spent so much time with me in months, and, I suspect, wanted me to spend some quality time alone. Finally, I gave in and went to the fair.
I'll admit, it's bigger than the Virginia State Fair. Since I haven't been to the fair here in Richmond for several years, I won't say the New York fair is better, but I suspect it probably is. Still, all in all, the New York State Fair has one big thing going against it. It's a fair. And let's face it, there's nothing fair about a fair.
It's perhaps the most hyped event in town (here or Syracuse). The posters depict non-stop fun. In reality, my fun stopped about three minutes after I arrived. The first building I saw was the Verizon Hall of Progress. "This ought to be cool," I told myself. I hurried in to see what technological marvels would be in store. Boy was I dazzled. You'll never believe what they're doing with mops these days...and with anti-fog cloths, and candles, and cookware, and gold chains. I guess you get the picture. The whole thing was so state-fairian.
My next stop was the Coca-Cola International Food Pavilion, sometimes pronounced "food court." I was hoping to see and to sample fantastic culinary delights from around the world. And, I guess I could have, had I been willing to shell out seven bucks for the Japanese beef dish, or the Italian pizza, or the French fries. They even had somewhat of a salute to Chesterfield County at the food pavilion - fried Twinkies. I didn't buy any food there, but in the dairy pavilion next door, someone was giving out free meatballs on toothpicks. I wasn't sure what meatballs were doing in a dairy pavilion. To me, it was like telling the cow, "hey, give us milk, or look what we can do to you." I kept sneaking back into line for the meatballs. They were rather good.
I entered another building at the fair and heard strange music coming from an auditorium. I decided to check it out. On stage was a belly dancer. The woman may have been Greek, but she had that Syracuse hair thing going. She was also just about as old and as heavy as me. You may not want to even try and picture this in your head.
When I first went in, she was completely enshrouded in her silk garments. But then she removed the outer garment so as to really get into that belly dancing thing. I'd call it more of a belly flopping routine. This girl was not exactly what you'd call easy on the eyes, and besides she had absolutely zero rhythm. After she floundered around the stage for a while, a bunch of ladies came on with baskets on their heads. Some Indian (think Bombay) music was played and they trounced around the stage for about five minutes. I decided that my heart couldn't take too much excitement, so I left.
I then came to one of the seven natural wonders of the world. They had this city consisting entirely of toothpicks. In fact, the sign said that 1.3 million toothpicks had been used. There were skyscrapers, ships, cars, even the Eiffel Tower, all made of nothing but toothpicks and glue. The sign also said that after the fair, the owner was going to try and sell it on E-Bay with a starting bid of $65,000. I was thinking that by the time I was through with the meatballs, those folks at the dairy building might want to make a bid.
Finally, after passing the cow barn (I decided I had too little time left in life to keep looking at cows. I've seen enough of them through the years), I arrived at the most exciting show at the fair. Who says there's no quality entertainment out there anymore. I actually just accidently happened upon the stage just as it was beginning. Yes, it was the cheerleading competition.
Why, I guess i must have stood there mesermized for over two minutes. But, by then, I got to thinking where has that last hour gone. I figured it was about time to leave. So I did. Besides I had to get back to the grand-folk's home. It was getting close to card time.