There Ought To Be a Law!

What’s the big deal with these payday loan people? So what if they’re crooks. It’s not like there aren’t plenty of other crooks out there in business. So, why do state lawmakers turn their attention to just this one industry?
Why do they feel they have to protect us country bumpkin citizens of the state from the payday loan companies? And, if they do feel we need that sort of protection, why stop at payday loans? I can think of plenty of other businesses that stupid people need to be protected from. So, here’s an open (non-political) message to the legislators: If you feel the need to play daddy to us, you need to do it much more thoroughly. As a public service, I’m providing some suggestions for additional legislation:

Cigarette Manufacturers – If you really want to protect us, why not stop the production of cigarettes? Excuse me, but is there anything they’re good for, except the economy? Lawmakers want to ban smoking in public places, which, as much as I hate the smell of tobacco, I have to admit, doesn’t make sense. If cigarettes are legal, how can you stop their use by state law? I certainly think it’s proper and wise for the owners of any business to ban cigarettes in their place of business, but if the state can ban smoking, what’s next? Chocolate can kill you. I hope that’s not banned. Or how about diet sodas? I hear they cause brain tumors in mice. That’s a proven fact, and yet, as far as I know, any mouse in town has the right to order a Diet Coke anytime he or she wants. So, if the Virginia legislators really want to protect us, they need to outlaw the manufacture of cigarettes.

Tanning Salons – Talk about stupid. People pay good money to let someone bombard them with deadly radiation (or whatever it is they use). I’ve seen women who’ve spent years going to tanning salons. They’re tan all right. Their faces look like tan handbags. Why should the state stop businesses from making outrageous loans, and allow other businesses to literally (I hope this is one time I can say, “literally’) burn our bodies to a crisp cinder?

TV Meteorologists – This is one group that needs to be shut down. They’re not only wrong most of the time, but they’re intentionally cruel. They know that most of their most avid viewers love snow. They know that there’s no chance of Richmond getting any snow, and yet they insist on teasing snow. Last week we were led to believe that we’d be in blizzard conditions this morning. How cruel. How heartless. I know they don’t actually charge us money, but I still think they’re doing us snow lovers irreparable harm. I say shut ‘em down.

A Certain Regional Grocery Store Chain – The chain shall remain nameless. Well, I’ll make up a name…let’s call them Grocery Gazelle. It’s the store you swear you’ll never go back to, and yet most of us do keep going back. Why? Because they tell us that they’ve got these fantastic bargains. Filet Mignon for $1.99 a pound, as an example. Only problem is, when you actually get in the store, no one seems to have ever heard of that promotion, and if they did have it, it must have expired. And when you show them the ad, they look at you as if to say, “So… What do you expect me to do about your problem?” I hate this chain. I know they must have corporate meetings to decide how best to hide the most wanted items from shoppers. The other day I was looking for Kool Aid. It was Jim Jones’ birthday and I wanted to do something special. Now, wouldn’t you think Kool Aid would be under drink mixes? I did. How stupid of me. The Kool Aid was on the aisle marked “BREAD/BABY FOOD.” How could I have been so uneducated not to have figured that out? I definitely think that during this session, the state lawmakers need to shut down this grocery chain. Protect us before we shop again! Come one Frank Hargrove. Can’t you do something about this?

Now these are just a few ideas. Of course, the big question is, is there anyone out there who can do something to protect us from the legislators?