What's Next, Jesus Junior?

Okay, I've been doing some research. Yes, I take my column very seriously and want to display the utmost professionalism at all times. I hope both of you who are reading this appreciate that. Anyway, more on this Jesus discovery.
I admit that at first I was skeptical. Just because one finds some bones marked "Jesus," doesn't in my opinion mean they've found Jesus.
But, here's what I have learned - the name on the tombstone was Iasus "bargainos veritas" Kristos. In other words, as any of you who have a working knowledge of Latin (or maybe Greek, or Aramaic) can figure out, the tombstone reads: Jesus "The Real Deal" Christ. So, there you have it. I guess this whole Christian thing is pretty much out the window.
But wait, there's more. Archaeologists have found a table leg and a papyrus door mat near the grave and have been able to say with 99% certainty that they found the home/retail furniture store, which Jesus and Mary Magdalene owned. From that door mat, they've been able to determine that the couple owned a two-chariot garage home in the suburbs of South Jerusalem. Adjacent to the home was a small retail store in which Jesus sold handcrafted furniture, and, on Sundays had a clown come in to do face paintings for the kids. Jesus' son, Judas (nickname Skippy) would evidently, archaeologists say, sell lemonaid from a small plywood stand in front of the store.
All I have to say is "ain't archaeology wonderful?" It's amazing how from just the teeniest of artifacts, scientists are able to tell us so much. Now, I know there are still some die-hard Christians out there who are not going to believe, and while, I hate to be a bubble burster, particularly in matters that involve everlasting life and death, I think you stiff-necked Christians need to consider one more factor. James Cameron has said that this really is THE Jesus' tomb.
Now think about this, friends. Cameron is the man who so masterfully told us the true story of Jack and Rose, who met aboard the Titanic. So, this is a man with total credibility. I'm so impressed with the guy, that I've started selling a line of jewelry displaying the engraving, "WWJCD?"
So, there you have it. Christianity is a done deal. But, before you go switching religions, wait until I finish an investigation into whether Muhammad operated a go-kart track in Colonial Williamsburg. It's just a theory, but I have discovered a wooden steering wheel.
Anyway, all this news about Jesus pales into insignificance when you hear what I have discovered. I was looking through the Richmond phone book, and believe it or not, I came across a listing for a John Smith. Do you realize what that means? Not only is the famed English explorer still living, but he's living in Richmond's West End. Wait til James Cameron finds out about this.