Of All The Things I Miss, I Miss Ogyny The Most

A subject that I steer away from is women drivers. Normally, one (a male one, that is) can only heap troubles upon his head by bringing the matter up. But, since some of you out there have decided to open that can of worms, let me dig in.
First, by way of disclaimer, let me say that generally speaking, I like women. I think they deserve to share the oxygen and other resources the earth has to offer.
I even think many of them are qualified to drive automobiles. Although I think a separate lane for women and truck drivers would make this old world a little bit better place to live.
However, until that glorious day, I’m willing to share the highway with both. Although if I had my choice, I’d say keep the women and get rid of the truck drivers. The problem with women drivers is that they’re, well, they’re women. Again, please hear me. I love women, generally only one at a time, but I love them. But, women do think differently from men. And, based solely on my experiences in life, many women never entertain the idea that they might be wrong about anything.
So, if you were to suggest to a woman, not necessarily my wife, that using the cell phone, putting on makeup, and looking up a phone number in her address book while cruising down the Interstate at 75 miles per hour, is not such a good idea, she (not necessarily my wife) can’t even comprehend what could possibly be wrong with that. Because she (not necessarily my wife) has done it before and didn’t kill anyone, she (not….) automatically assumes that it’s a safe practice.
Then there's one of our sales consultants here in the office. I'll call her Mandy. Mandy comes in yesterday, absolutely furious because someone almost hit her on the highway. Seems Mandy was lost. Now, in Mandy's mind (remember, Mandy is a woman) her being lost automatically calls for the suspension of all driving rules and regulations. So, because Mandy was lost, everyone else on the road should recognize that if she needs to make a left turn from the right lane, she has every right to do so. That's how Mandy saw it. She even says she yelled at those drivers who were too rude, or too stupid to understand the logic there. You do see her logic, don't you. I know women who would and they're not necessarily my wife.
That’s really my only complaint about women drivers. Other than that little “I’m always right” flaw in their otherwise sparkling personalities, women make great drivers. Actually, they make wonderful drivers. How else could you explain a woman’s ability to travel twenty miles and not even one time glance at the highway in front of her. And, try to convince a woman that the rear view mirror is not simply there for makeup application. Can’t be done.
There is one other little bitty teeny weeny complaint. I hesitate to bring it up. I know I’ll be touching a raw nerve, but since I’m somewhat of a senior citizen myself, I think I can chance it. Here’s my question, why is it that the bluer a woman’s hair gets the more she shrinks? Have you ever passed one of those blue-haired brake riders on the highway? First glance into their car is rather scary. It looks as if the car is being driven by a blue doily. I mean, all you see is this little blue mop. I guess there’s a woman beneath it.
I think the DMV should start giving tests to drivers once they reach seventy or so. Not an eye exam, but a hair color test. If your hair is above a pre-set blue safety zone, you don’t get to drive. Now, this is merely a suggestion, but I think it’s a pretty good one. And, so that you don’t think I’m discriminating, I think you could give the same test to older men (wink wink). If there hair is blue, they should be held to the same standards.
Well, I hope I haven’t stepped on any toes today. Far be it from me to ruffle feathers. But, since some of you opened the door, I just stepped right in. And, now, it may be best for me to step right back out.