So Long Fatso. You've Been a Good Friend

I have some good news to share with you. I'm becoming as cute as a button. Okay, it might not be such good news to you, but to me...it's wonderful. Now, let me start off by admitting that my "cute as a button" assessment is pretty much my own. No one has told me that I'm reaching button-like heights of cuteness, but I can tell. And I owe it all to one thing...the first Monday in October was the first day of the rest of my life. Thrilling? Yes.
You see, I started a new diet. I've been promising for years that I would one day lose weight, get in shape, and write a book entitled "From Chunk to Hunk." Well, the weight loss has started. It's not really a diet. It's a lifestyle. At least that's what the book calls it. The book, by the way is Sugar Busters!
Yes, I am now a sugar buster. And, unlike other diets I've tried, I've been on this lifestyle for over a week. In Steve Cook years, that's about six months. I don't stick to anything. My follow through skills are non-existant. But, this lifestyle, which basically involves eliminating all processed sugar, white rice, white bread, and potatoes...you know all the stuff that makes life worth living...has proven to be relatively easy.
Now, I don't want to become one of those boring health food, fitness fanatics who bores the life out of everyone with whom he or she speaks. I don't want to waste your precious time telling you all about me and my diet. Although, I think you'd like us both.
I can't wait for next summer. I hope I'm so thin, my friends will think I'm going through some sort of medical treatment. I'm looking forward to going to the beach and not having to try and convince those with me that the latest swimwear involves an overcoat. When I was a teenager, if I was going to a pool party, I'd arrive at the host's home about four in the morning and jump in the pool so no one at the party could see my semi-nakedness.
By the time the other guests began arriving, oh, about eight hours later, I was totally wrinkled, but no one saw my fat, prune-like body because I never came out of the water. I'd eat in the water, read in the water, nap in the water, whatever. I'd stay in the pool until everyone had gone home and the folks throwing the party had gone to bed.
I'm hoping this year, I can act pretty much like the other guests. I know my bladder will appreciate that as well.
Now, I don't want to get too optimistic. By next summer, my lifestyle could be just a distant memory. I could be back on the lifestyle I've had for the first half century of my life. I call it the "eat everything in sight, make yourself sick, and become a total slob" lifestyle. It's worked for me for years. But, there's a new day dawning as Mamma Cass used to sing. Of course, when her new day dawned, she had a ham sandwich stuck in her throat, but that's another story.
Anyway, since I've been on this lifestyle for over a week, I just wanted to brag. If you get a chance, stop by and I'll suck in my stomach for you. I have a feeling you're going to be pretty impressed.