Limp Reasoning

Well, I've done it again. This is the third time this week that I've had a brilliant thought. Go figure. Must be the Grape Nuts. Anyways, I was thinking, on my ride to work this morning, about a news item on TV last night. All evening long the station had been teasing some big story about a bride who made a horrible discovery just days before her wedding. "This has got to be good," I thought.
Well, the story turns out to be that the facility for the wedding had double booked and she needed to find another location. At least, I think that's what it was about. The bride was crying to profusely, that she was difficult to understand. The reporter looked like she was going to break out in tears any moment herself. Even the graphic read, "Wedding Nightmare."
Big whoop. The poor thing has to find another location. Hey, lady, wake up. There are people out here who are killed on their honeymoon. Remember the poor bride who was totally disfigured when someone threw a boulder into her car while she and her husband were passing through the area on their honeymoon? Now, that's what I call a wedding nightmare.
But, anyway, I haven't gotten to my brilliant thought. I was contemplating this morning as to why so many people get on TV and cry these days. Then it dawned on me. One word - attorneys. I bet these whiners have an attorney who tells them to get on TV and turn the waterworks on. It'll mean more money when they sue, and, one thing for sure, they will sue.
Some (not all, mind you, just a few) attorneys have about as much believability as professional wrestlers. Several years ago, I injured my back in an auto accident when someone rear-ended me. So, I sued. But, as I was called to the stand, my attorney whispered loud enough for the entire courtroom to hear, "Limp."
I didn't need to limp. I wasn't crippled, just in pain. I was brought up to believe that even when you need to limp, it's good if you can avoid it. And here this shyster was telling me to put on an act for the jurors. I didn't get a penny in the lawsuit, even though the defense attorney had offered several thousand dollars in settlement during jury deliberations.
Maybe I should have limped. I'm sure it's why the bride couldn't stop crying. In fact, I'm getting a little teary-eyed just thinking about the poor girl. I feel that my exposure to her heart-wrenching story has caused me unnecessary pain. Excuse me while I limp to the phone and call my attorney.