Becky Wright is our normally sane writer for Chesterfield Living Magazine. Today, however, she's just a tad bit upset. I've invited her to use this space to vent. So, here goes:
Errrrrrr,errrrrrr,errrrrrr… no, that’s not the sound of my klunker trying to start in the torrents of a rainstorm or in a winter wind howling with huge drifts of snow blowing in mounds around me. It’s not the sound of my klunker after a blistering journey across the desert heaving its last sigh.
Please excuse me, I’m growling, not something I usually do in public.
Do you have any personal Pet Peeves? Just for the record here are a few of mine. 1)Telemarketers. 2)Telemarketers. 3)Telemarketers. 4)Calling a business and a computer answers. 5)Calling a business and being put on hold by a machine. 6)Telemarketers. 7)Telemarketers who call extremely early or late.
This morning, on a rare occasion I wasn't up yet, the phone rings...Loudly.I wasn't ready for loudly yet. Because of the time frame I figured it was one of my kids and jumped up to answer. Caller ID said unknown, I should have picked up on not to answer.
As a victim suffering from Sleep Deprivation from Overworkation,I answered. Besides, you just never know. What if one of the kids has broken down, the cell phone is in a dead zone and who knows what else they could be challenged with? My offspring could be using someone else's phone...parental instincts kick in and I answer anyway.
Telemarketers have risen to a new low.
Stifling a yawn, trying to unstick my eyes, I answer.
Me:"Hello?"
Them: Thank you for calling so and so....all of our customer service representatives are busy, please hold.
Me: PLEASE HOLD?????? They called me!! And it was a computer voice no less (unless now we have women who speak with a electronic accent).Please hold???
Oh,I was going to hold okay, for this call anyway. When the living, breathing human finally came to the phone we had a little "discussion" on their selling tactics. I'll leave it at that.
Errrrrrrrrrr...now where is that bed???
Friday, August 11, 2006
Something's In the Air
I really don't have the time nor the energy to solve all the world's problems. But, somehow I muddle through. Now we have this terrorist thing going on. And, I have the solution. I don't say this in an arrogant, yes-I-know-it-all, sort of way. Although, perhaps I should. Then, maybe folks would sit up and listen.
I've passed along my suggestions before and no one, and I mean no one, has paid any attention. But, being the public-spirited sort of guy I am, I'm going to say this one more time. The solution to the misuse of aircraft by terrorists can be summed up in 5 words (including a hyphenated one) - Colorless, odorless, non-toxic, knockout gas. There! I've said it again. Maybe someone will wake up and smell the odorless gas this time and realize that I know that of which I speak.
If all airlines would simply make it their modus operandi (I think I'm close on this latin) to fill the cabin with the gas, think of all the benefits that could be realized, and I'm not talking about just ending terrorism as we know it today.
I spent 16 hours crammed into a window seat during my fabulous trip to China. How I would have preferred to have been sedated and awakened just moments before touchdown.
The airlines would save millions on peanuts alone. They could cut down on the number of stewardesses. Yes, I know they want to be called flight attendants these days. I know they hate being addressed, "Oh stewardess," especially the guys (most of 'em anyway), that is exactly why I call them stewardesses, but I'll save this one for another day.
Think about it. You need probably fifteen stewardesses on those big international 747 flights. If all the passengers were comatose, you could probably get by with just a couple. I think in first-class you could offer catheters, where coach class passenger would just get a Depends. That way you wouldn't lose your first-class revenue. Admittedly, there are a few kinks to be worked out here, but I can't do everything.
There'd be no unruly children running through the aisles, and those formerly screaming babies would be sleeping like babies. That alone should be enough reason to knock out the passengers. You could also probably squeeze a fourth person into those three people rows. So there's some extra money for the airlines right there.
Listen to me people. This is a win-win situation.
No need for headsets, movies, magazines. No trash to pick up. No drunks. No lines waiting to use those teeney-weeney restrooms. And, who wants to take a seat in a room where a drunk being jostled in the air has just visited? I think you get the picture.
Airline sedation could become a whole new industry unto itself. More people would fly, especially those who are terrified of flying. Just imagine the scenario. The head stewardess gets on the P.A. system and says, "Welcome aboard Sleepy Time Airlines. Don't worry about life jackets or oxygen masks because you won't need them, and even if you do, you'll never know it. It doesn't really matter how high we'll be flying and of course there will be no in-flight...." By that point the passengers are out. The plane takes off and all is well.
I can see this idea taking off as well. Who knows, it may become so popular that airline seating as we know it today will become non-existent. The passengers could actually be sedated right at baggage check. They could become part of the baggage themselves.
Before you know it, non-traditional air service will be available, bringing the cost of a ticket even lower. I bet within a year or two, FedEx would be offering a "Passenger as Freight Package," with a special envelope to stuff yourself in. Oh, yeah. FedEx shipping people. Never mind.
I've passed along my suggestions before and no one, and I mean no one, has paid any attention. But, being the public-spirited sort of guy I am, I'm going to say this one more time. The solution to the misuse of aircraft by terrorists can be summed up in 5 words (including a hyphenated one) - Colorless, odorless, non-toxic, knockout gas. There! I've said it again. Maybe someone will wake up and smell the odorless gas this time and realize that I know that of which I speak.
If all airlines would simply make it their modus operandi (I think I'm close on this latin) to fill the cabin with the gas, think of all the benefits that could be realized, and I'm not talking about just ending terrorism as we know it today.
I spent 16 hours crammed into a window seat during my fabulous trip to China. How I would have preferred to have been sedated and awakened just moments before touchdown.
The airlines would save millions on peanuts alone. They could cut down on the number of stewardesses. Yes, I know they want to be called flight attendants these days. I know they hate being addressed, "Oh stewardess," especially the guys (most of 'em anyway), that is exactly why I call them stewardesses, but I'll save this one for another day.
Think about it. You need probably fifteen stewardesses on those big international 747 flights. If all the passengers were comatose, you could probably get by with just a couple. I think in first-class you could offer catheters, where coach class passenger would just get a Depends. That way you wouldn't lose your first-class revenue. Admittedly, there are a few kinks to be worked out here, but I can't do everything.
There'd be no unruly children running through the aisles, and those formerly screaming babies would be sleeping like babies. That alone should be enough reason to knock out the passengers. You could also probably squeeze a fourth person into those three people rows. So there's some extra money for the airlines right there.
Listen to me people. This is a win-win situation.
No need for headsets, movies, magazines. No trash to pick up. No drunks. No lines waiting to use those teeney-weeney restrooms. And, who wants to take a seat in a room where a drunk being jostled in the air has just visited? I think you get the picture.
Airline sedation could become a whole new industry unto itself. More people would fly, especially those who are terrified of flying. Just imagine the scenario. The head stewardess gets on the P.A. system and says, "Welcome aboard Sleepy Time Airlines. Don't worry about life jackets or oxygen masks because you won't need them, and even if you do, you'll never know it. It doesn't really matter how high we'll be flying and of course there will be no in-flight...." By that point the passengers are out. The plane takes off and all is well.
I can see this idea taking off as well. Who knows, it may become so popular that airline seating as we know it today will become non-existent. The passengers could actually be sedated right at baggage check. They could become part of the baggage themselves.
Before you know it, non-traditional air service will be available, bringing the cost of a ticket even lower. I bet within a year or two, FedEx would be offering a "Passenger as Freight Package," with a special envelope to stuff yourself in. Oh, yeah. FedEx shipping people. Never mind.
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