Play It As It Lies

I saw Baltimore Oriole's star Rafael Palmeiro on television this morning. The sound was down, and I saw a video from this past March. He was pointing his finger and it was clear he was in the process of denying. At first, I didn't recognize him (he was in a business suit) and I thought he was a politician saying he had not had sex with someone. Then I turned the volume up and realized it was Palmeiro adamantly denying that he had ever taken steroids. There were no ifs, ands, or buts about it, he had NEVER EVER done such a thing.
In so doing, Palmeiro proved that he is among the best at the national pastime. No, I'm not talking about baseball. I'm talking about the new national pastime...lying. Of course, lying has gone beyond being merely a dversion to help one pass time. It's become a way of life for many.
Saying politicans lie, is tantamount to saying snakes bite. It's both a defensive as well as offensive weapon which can turned on at the drop of a hat (in the ring). But, obviously, it's not just politicians and baseball players. It's everywhere.
Which brings me to a painful confession. I lie. There, I've said it. I'm an habitual liar. Come on, don't act like you're shocked. Could anyone really have all the horrible experiences I claim to have? Could someone really receive totally rude, outrageously bad customer service every day? I have to make this stuff up.
And, I think I do it quite well. One problem though. My wife gets mad if I make up something about her. If, for instance, I say she spends too much time shopping, I'll hear about it for a month. "You know I'm not that bad," she'll say. "Why did you say that about me?"
I'll tell you why, dear. I'm a liar. I do it for a living...albeit, not a great one.
Actually, truth be told, I have no interesting experiences in my pathetically, lonely, little life. I've been living in my cellar for the past 7 years, never venturing out into the real world. All I have is my imagination and my computer. And between those two babies, I'm ready to roll. Oh yes, I do have my lovely wife, Morgan Fairchild. Yeah, that's the ticket.
Okay, enough's enough. I'm making this up. I'm not a liar. Every word you read here is the truth...unlike some baseball players and politicians and lawyers I know. When I said I'm a liar, I was lying. But, I'm going to have to cut this short. What many of you don't know is that I'm an emergency room physician on the side and I just got paged. Seems there's some baseball player with a steroid overdose. I'm coming! And, I'll talk to you tomorrow.