BACK AND BIGGER AND BETTER THAN EVER

Gee, this is like getting back on a bicycle for the first time in years. It's been so long since I've done one of these blogs, I may have forgotten how. Of course, many of you may be thinking that I never really did know how to do it. And, of course, if that's true, then it just makes my job even easier. It's kind of like being a school guidance counselor...no known skills are required.
I would try to make some elaborate excuse for not having written in months, but I'll just come right out and tell you the truth. My iron lung was in the shop. Anyway, I'm back and raring to go.
There are so many opinions I've been wanting to share, I don't know where to begin. I could talk about why the word "chipotle" is pronounced like it is. I don't like asking for "chee pote lee." I think it should be called "chi pottle," but maybe we'll discuss that further another day.
I also have an opinion on families benefiting monetarily from the loss of loved ones. I'm not talking about when the breadwinner dies, but if your child dies, such as in the Virginia Tech tragedy, why should there be a payoff...beyond any insurance the family had? I am really ticked by the Goldman family crawling in bed with O.J. Simpson on that "I Did It" book. But, I'll save that one for another day too.
I think the burning issue of the day right now is that Idaho Senator, Larry Craig, who was caught, allegedly, in a Minneapolis airport men's room playing footsie with an undercover cop. That whole story is rather ridiculous. It has helped me though in sorting some things out in my head. Suppose, I keep wondering, I was in his foot-under-the-stall shoes and I was innocent. What would I do? More importantly, what shouldn't I do? That's helped me come up with my top ten things NOT TO DO if you're really not gay but folks think you are.

10. Don't stand around in a men's room staring at an occupied stall
9. Don't ever touch your next-stall-neighbor's foot with your foot.
8. In fact, don't let any part of your body touch anybody else's body when you're in a men's room.
7. Don't stick your hand into your neighbor's stall - not even to wave a simple, "Hello."
6. Don't pick up a piece of toilet paper lying on the stall floor. This is good advice whether gayness is an issue or not. In
fact, don't pick up anything on a restroom stall floor. I dropped a cell phone in a men's room once. I really miss that cell
phone, too.
5. Don't go on TV and say, "I am not gay and I never have been."
4. Don't sing show tunes, especially while you're in the men's room at an airport.
3. If the police frisk you, don't giggle.
2. Don't go by the name of "Larry."
And, the number one thing not to do if you're not gay and people think you are.....Don't do anything gay.

As you can see, even though it's been months, I have not lost my public spiritedness. I hope you will find the above tips helpful and if it keeps any of you out of jail, a simple thanks is all I ask.