You Bored Me With Hello

My wife thinks I talk too much. Well, maybe not too much, but that I'm just too boring. When I'm in a crowd of her friends, I am able to regale them with tales of my youth. She thinks my joke about my having just learned how to adjust the rabbit ears on the TV dates me...makes me look like an old man, as it were. She says I remind her of those blathering old men who don't know when to shut up.
I don't get mad at my wife when she says those things. I just pity her. She doesn't grasp the subtle nuances of my repartee. Silly girl...she thinks I'm boring. Or could it be that she's just a little too jealous that her friends think I'm a clever sort of guy? Either way, there's no need for me to get angry.
On the other hand, there are many people I know...even work with, who do talk too much. They aren't able to just answer a simple question and move on. You ask them how they're doing, and instead of saying, "Fine," they proceed to actually tell you how they're doing. Hey people, if I wanted to know how you were doing, I'd ask you. I mean I'd ask you in a way that showed I really cared.
For the life of me, I cannot understand why some people (no, not just women - you misogynists really irritate me sometimes) seem to feel that my only purpose in coming to work is to sit and listen to them tell me each day's episode of their rather drab life. Again, if I were interested in knowing every little detail, I would definitely convey my interest to you.
I think one of the really big evils in today's world is cell phones. Used to be we'd get a little break from these chatterboxes (no, not necessarily women. stop thinking that) when they were in their cars. Nowadays riding in the car just gives them more time to call me up and drone on and on.
It's not that I don't like people. It's not that I'm just one sour-dispositioned old man. It's not that I don't enjoy a good conversation, but for the most part, for most people, I have just one simple credo - SHUT UP. Is that really asking too much?
However, if you have had a fascinating experience, or if your life, like mine, is filled with truly amazing and amusing antecdotes, then that's a different story.
I, for one, can tell you some tales...true life experiences, that will have you rolling on the floor, or as they say in the AOL offices "ROFL." Well, they used to say that. Now they say, "IJGFSINDML," which, basically means, "I just got fired so I'm not doing much laughing."
I'm reminded of a time back in the third grade, when Mrs. Webster asked me to...hold on, I don't have time right now, but send me your phone number and when I get in the car, I'll give you a buzz and share this story. You're going to love it.