Big Bad John

I have a friend (I'll just call him "D.J.") who reminds me so much of the extremely late Robert Kennedy. No, D.J. is not as famous as Bobby Kennedy. But, then again, he's not nearly as dead either. And, I'm betting D.J. would trade the fame for being alive.
D.J. reminds me, I guess, not so much of Bobby Kennedy, himself, but of something Bobby Kennedy said. You may recall his famous line. Or, if you're like some people I know, you may have a pillow on your rocking chair with this statement needlepointed on it.
Of course, I'm referring to this famous statement, "There are those that look at things the way they are, and ask why? I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?" Now, before you email me and inform me that Bobby Kennedy never actually said this, remember one important thing...I don't care.
But, getting back to D.J...for years I looked at something and never even had the gumption to ask "why?" Until, D.J. brought it up the other night in a Bobby Kennedy-like way. His question had to do with the doors in public restrooms. I think D.J. has been dreaming up a new way to get out of the restroom. And, his point is well-taken.
"Why is it," he asked wisely, "that you can push your way into a restroom, but you have to grab a handle to get out?" Now, D.J. did not call it a "urine-infested handle," but I'm sure that's what he was thinking.
It's what I think every time I leave a public restroom. I'll usually use my paper towel to grab hold of the handle. Now the trick is to open the door, then run throw the paper towel away, and make it back to the door before it closes. Or else, I'll end up sticking a wet paper towel in my pocket. I have enough bulges from excess poundage. I sure don't want anything else making me look larger than life.
It would seem to me that people with public restrooms would wise up, and reverse the doors. I wish I could be like Bobby Kennedy, and D.J. and ask why not, or even why, depending upon how I phrase the question. But, no, in a very lemming-like way, I just keep opening the doors with paper towels.
Speaking of which, what do you do when the restroom has a hand dryer? I hate hand dryers. Typically, they just blow cold air on wet hands, which doesn't do anything about drying, just makes one's hands colder. You can't open a door with a hand dryer. Well, actually you could, but that would mean ripping the hand dryer from the wall first, and I've always had a feeling that doing that would not be welcomed by most business owners.
I did use a new-fangled hand dryer the other day that was so powerful, it almost blew my hands off my wrists. I feel sure that when no one is using the bathroom, NASA is probably testing their rockets under the dryer. If I could have aimed the blower in the right direction, I probably could have opened the door with the blast, or at least ripped the hinges off the door.
Since we're talking about public restrooms, let me weigh in on a couple of other things. Something that really bothers me in some public restrooms are the detailed instructions posted on the wall, showing the employees of the company how to wash their hands. You've probably seen such. The instructions tell you how to turn the faucet on, how long to run your hands under the water, how to dispense the soap, and so forth. Now, my thinking is that if the employees are too dumb to know how to wash their hands, what must be happening in the kitchen?
There's one more thing that I really hate about some of the fancier public restrooms. It's not all that prevalent, but when I encounter it, I cringe. It's the public restroom attendant. When I was in California a few years ago, it seems all the nice restaurants have them.
These guys just sit there, on their little stool by the door, looking at you, with those begging, pleading, leave-me-a-tip eyes. For starters, I'm not keen on anyone looking at me while I'm using a restroom. I suffer from what they call in the industry, SB Syndrome, or, Shy Bladder Syndrome for short. Even when I'm alone, I have to hum, or do some sort of Kennedy Space Center countdown before I can get the show on the road.
In a public restroom, with others around, it's much harder, and when there is an attendant staring, it's downright impossible. My bladder just kind of twists itself up in a knot.
Secondly, I hate to tip someone for letting me use the bathroom. But, how do you walk past the guy and ignore him? He's standing right at the door, offering me a towel, or soap, or even mouthwash. If I use any of those things, I feel obliged to tip him. Sometimes if I think quickly enough, I'll limp past him. I figure he might think I'm more needy than he is.
I do like those public restrooms that have all the toiletries, as long as there's no busybody begging for tips. I especially like the mouthwash. I think it's nice to leave the restroom with fresher breath than when I went in. Of course, there is a little stigma to drinking in a restroom, but I will use the mouthwash, especially if I've just had a beer. And, yes, I admit, I will drink a beer or two from time to time. I guess I'm more of the Teddy Kennedy type.