As publishers of several magazines in the Richmond area, we receive a lot of press releases from various organizations, including Colonial Williamsburg. Generally speaking, they’re doing some interesting things down there in Williamsburg, and we will often include their upcoming events on our events website – www.flavorcalendar.com.
However, I received a press release from there this morning that leaves me somewhat underwhelmed. I’m pasting the release into this blog, just so you’ll know I’m not making this up. Here goes:
The Colonial Williamsburg Foundation will host its first symposium on oxen and their crucial
role as beasts of burden through the centuries.
Now, let me stop right there. Are you fascinated? Do you know anyone who might be? I can picture the scene at the offices of the Colonial Williamsburg organization. Someone pipes up in a meeting, “Hey, let’s do a symposium on oxen.” Heads start bobbing up and down.
“Yeah!”
“Oh my yes”
“Bully for you, ol chap.”
Well anyway, once they got through congratulating themselves on the idea, they actually came up with a name for the symposium. The release continues:
“Oxen in the Old and New Worlds,” consisting of lectures, demonstrations and
panel discussions by oxen experts from America and Great Britain.
Lectures! Wow! Hope they’ll be serving lots of coffee. Demonstrations? What will they consist of? Will the bigger guys take turns riding the little guys around on their back. Or maybe they’ll just bring in some long sticks and take turns goading one another. That might be fun.
Of course, I hope I’m not too winded from the goading to prevent me from getting to the panel discussion. I hope they take questions from the audience. I have a few I’d like to ask, such as “Why are you doing this?” And, “Like, really, why are you doing this?”
Something else in that release enthralls me. I really, truly want to meet some oxen experts from America and Great Britain. I have long wanted to know more about oxen. For instance, was Babe the blue ox, really blue? Was she as big as people say she was? And, this Paul Bunyan guy, what was he really like, you know, in everyday life?
I Googled “oxen experts” just to see what might come up. Apparently this oxen thing is big right now. They’re having panel discussions all around the world on oxen. And to think I almost slept right through it.
As I continue to read the press release, I’m becoming more and more fascinated. For instance, the release goes on to say:
Relied upon for strength and intelligence, as well as a food source, oxen were
man’s main beasts of burden until the late 19th century, when horses and mules
replaced them.
Now, if the oxen were so intelligent, how did they let horses and mules replace them? Hold on there. I get it. They were so intelligent, that they played dumb so that the horses and mules did all the dirty work. Actually, now that I think about it, I don’t recall seeing any oxen plowing the fields these days. I bet they’re all in some resort, somewhere, playing oxen games, drinking milk cocktails, and flicking fruit flies with their tales.
I wonder if any of the more intelligent oxen will be invited to participate in the panel discussion. This might not be so bad after all.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Friday, April 04, 2008
Stupid Is as Stupid Says
You know, there are some really dumb people out there. Not you and I, of course. But, virtually everyone else. Especially is this so among the media elite.
For instance, just this morning a national broadcaster on CBS Television made the comment that he would be interviewing the son of Martin Luther King, Jr. later in the show. He identified the late civil rights leader's son as Martin Luther King, Jr., the third. I'm thinking that's kinda dumb.
And, while I enjoy the Fox News Network talk shows, have you ever stopped to analyze just how dumb most of the people who appear on those shows really are? Here's what I mean. Have you ever heard two people arguing on that show, persons who have very different viewpoints. Have you ever heard one say to the other, "You know, you're right. You've convinced me."?
In real life, people listen to one another. They learn from one another. They grow from their disagreements with others.
On TV that never happens. One guy says, "Your candidate is a total idiot. Here's his I.Q. test. It shows he's a moron."
Now, if someone were to say that to me, at least I'd want to look at his proof. But on Fox, that never happens. The second guy will shout back, "Well, your mother is an idiot."
There's no reasoning. There's no acknowledgment of anything the other guy said. It's just yelling.
So, guy two just called guy one's mother an idiot. What does guy one say? He retorts, "Oh yeah. Well, what about Reverend Wright?"
So, does guy two stop to reflect on Reverend Wright? Nope. He snaps back, "Yeah, and I guess Hillary has never lied." By this time these two guys have about four different arguments going and the only losers are the viewers. Whatever happened to intellectual, thoughtful discussion? It simply doesn't exist on television, or probably anywhere else nowadays.
But, no discussion of media idiots would be complete without taking a moment to honor one of the great idiots of all times. Of course, I'm speaking of Ted Turner. Sure this guy is a billionaire, but he adds new meaning to the term, "Southern hick." He sounds like one. He acts like one. He really must be one...a rich one, but a hick, nonetheless.
Did you hear the latest from Turner? He's talking about global warming with Charlie Rose, on Rose's TV talk show and he says that because we're not concerned with global warming it's going to be 8 degrees warmer. Turner, you can tell, is just making this stuff up. He starts to say (with authority) that it'll be 8 degrees warmer in ten years. But, you can see, he catches himself, as any good liar can do, and kinda tells himself, "Hey, that's too soon. Let me make up another number." He then says, "Not ten, but thirty years." He says it as if to say, "Hey, who really cares. Ten, thirty, they're all the same when you're just making this stuff up.
But Turner can be even more stupid than that. He continues. "Basically," he says, "(Due to those 8 degrees) none of the crops will grow." Now I have to wonder about that. For instance, sometimes in the summer, it can get ten to twenty degrees warmer on some days. The crops don't die. And, what about folks in Florida? Can they not grow anything? I bet summers in Southern Florida are always eight degrees warmer than here. And, when you think about it, aren't the rain forests, which are lush with growth, in even warmer climates? Of course, Ted Turner is a horticultural genius, so who am I to question.
But, Turner gets even stupider, which is the correct term for when you're too stupid to be "more stupid." He says, "Most people will die." Now, I'm getting scared. I could still be around in 30 years, and, for all we know, it might just be ten years if Turner really gets his way. Most people on earth will be dead in thirty years. That's pretty bleak. But, wait. It gets the stupidest at this point. Ted Turner isn't content to just predicting a global warming so severe that most people will die. He goes on to predict that, "The rest of us will be cannibals."
Now that's the scary part. I'm not so scared about mass cannibalism in thirty years. I'm afraid to be anywhere near Ted Turner today. His solution to deal with global warming, for "the rest of us - note, he includes himself - is cannibalism. So, what happens if Ted Turner wakes up hungry in the middle of the night and the hotel restaurant is closed. Who does he eat?
Or, let's say he's sitting at one of his ranches and he suddenly gets a pang of hunger. His cupboard is bare, and the nearest Food Lion is twenty miles away. And, as luck would have it, you have a flat tire in front of his house. My guess is that Ted Turner is gonna see you out there, lugging a lug wrench, and think, "Tasty!"
What may be even more stupid about this whole thing is that Charlie Rose is just sitting there nodding as if he's engaged in some deep, intellectual discussion. He's looking at Ted Turner as if he might be the next Stephen Hawking. Which, when you think about it, if Turner really is a closet cannibal, might not be such a bad idea. I know. I guess I'm rather stupid, myself.
For instance, just this morning a national broadcaster on CBS Television made the comment that he would be interviewing the son of Martin Luther King, Jr. later in the show. He identified the late civil rights leader's son as Martin Luther King, Jr., the third. I'm thinking that's kinda dumb.
And, while I enjoy the Fox News Network talk shows, have you ever stopped to analyze just how dumb most of the people who appear on those shows really are? Here's what I mean. Have you ever heard two people arguing on that show, persons who have very different viewpoints. Have you ever heard one say to the other, "You know, you're right. You've convinced me."?
In real life, people listen to one another. They learn from one another. They grow from their disagreements with others.
On TV that never happens. One guy says, "Your candidate is a total idiot. Here's his I.Q. test. It shows he's a moron."
Now, if someone were to say that to me, at least I'd want to look at his proof. But on Fox, that never happens. The second guy will shout back, "Well, your mother is an idiot."
There's no reasoning. There's no acknowledgment of anything the other guy said. It's just yelling.
So, guy two just called guy one's mother an idiot. What does guy one say? He retorts, "Oh yeah. Well, what about Reverend Wright?"
So, does guy two stop to reflect on Reverend Wright? Nope. He snaps back, "Yeah, and I guess Hillary has never lied." By this time these two guys have about four different arguments going and the only losers are the viewers. Whatever happened to intellectual, thoughtful discussion? It simply doesn't exist on television, or probably anywhere else nowadays.
But, no discussion of media idiots would be complete without taking a moment to honor one of the great idiots of all times. Of course, I'm speaking of Ted Turner. Sure this guy is a billionaire, but he adds new meaning to the term, "Southern hick." He sounds like one. He acts like one. He really must be one...a rich one, but a hick, nonetheless.
Did you hear the latest from Turner? He's talking about global warming with Charlie Rose, on Rose's TV talk show and he says that because we're not concerned with global warming it's going to be 8 degrees warmer. Turner, you can tell, is just making this stuff up. He starts to say (with authority) that it'll be 8 degrees warmer in ten years. But, you can see, he catches himself, as any good liar can do, and kinda tells himself, "Hey, that's too soon. Let me make up another number." He then says, "Not ten, but thirty years." He says it as if to say, "Hey, who really cares. Ten, thirty, they're all the same when you're just making this stuff up.
But Turner can be even more stupid than that. He continues. "Basically," he says, "(Due to those 8 degrees) none of the crops will grow." Now I have to wonder about that. For instance, sometimes in the summer, it can get ten to twenty degrees warmer on some days. The crops don't die. And, what about folks in Florida? Can they not grow anything? I bet summers in Southern Florida are always eight degrees warmer than here. And, when you think about it, aren't the rain forests, which are lush with growth, in even warmer climates? Of course, Ted Turner is a horticultural genius, so who am I to question.
But, Turner gets even stupider, which is the correct term for when you're too stupid to be "more stupid." He says, "Most people will die." Now, I'm getting scared. I could still be around in 30 years, and, for all we know, it might just be ten years if Turner really gets his way. Most people on earth will be dead in thirty years. That's pretty bleak. But, wait. It gets the stupidest at this point. Ted Turner isn't content to just predicting a global warming so severe that most people will die. He goes on to predict that, "The rest of us will be cannibals."
Now that's the scary part. I'm not so scared about mass cannibalism in thirty years. I'm afraid to be anywhere near Ted Turner today. His solution to deal with global warming, for "the rest of us - note, he includes himself - is cannibalism. So, what happens if Ted Turner wakes up hungry in the middle of the night and the hotel restaurant is closed. Who does he eat?
Or, let's say he's sitting at one of his ranches and he suddenly gets a pang of hunger. His cupboard is bare, and the nearest Food Lion is twenty miles away. And, as luck would have it, you have a flat tire in front of his house. My guess is that Ted Turner is gonna see you out there, lugging a lug wrench, and think, "Tasty!"
What may be even more stupid about this whole thing is that Charlie Rose is just sitting there nodding as if he's engaged in some deep, intellectual discussion. He's looking at Ted Turner as if he might be the next Stephen Hawking. Which, when you think about it, if Turner really is a closet cannibal, might not be such a bad idea. I know. I guess I'm rather stupid, myself.
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