This May Be Hard to Believe, But...

Maybe I'm naive, or just one of those fresh-faced innocents whom you meet every now and then, but I'm continually amazed by the vast number of personal friends, as well as family members, who adhere to one or more of the many conspiracy theories that have been bantered about over the years. I'm talking about reasonably intelligent people who honestly believe, apparently, any sort of tripe that they hear or read.
For instance, my boss, and I won't mention his name for fear of retribution, truly believes that all the auto makers are conspiring to keep a very practical, workable non-internal combustion engine off the market. And he's not alone. We were discussing this the other day, and virtually everyone, besides me, believes that the big automobile industrialist tycoon types have banded together to keep us dependent on oil.
Why? That's my question. If there's a better engine out there, then just go ahead and sell it. The fact that they can sell these hybrid rip-offs to so many of us, at inflated prices, is proof that there's big money to be made on a gasoline-free car.
And, if there's a cheaper, cleaner fuel out there, then surely the petroleum industry execs have enough money to produce it and create new sources of revenue. I'm convinced that nothing of the sort exists, at least nothing that's marketable and produceable in mass quantity, at this time. How do I know? It's a brilliant conclusion I've come to, and I'll share it in a few moments.
But, first, I want to mention another conspiracy theory that absolutely astounds me. I was with a relative-in-law recently, and, again, I won't mention her name, so she won't know I'm talking about her. She, right out of the blue, announces that there's a simple cure for cancer. I'm amazed...not that there might be such a thing, but that she really believes it.
"How do you know that?" I ask her, politely.
"Because there's this homeless woman who used to be a nurse and she told me." Well, there you go. What a lame-brain I've been all these years. In all fairness to me, I never knew about this homeless woman before. Had I known, I may have been as convinced of this so-called cure.
"So, why is it kept a secret?" I ask, again very politely.
"Because if it got out, the doctors would lose all that money on cancer treatments," she replies innocently.
Wow those nasty doctors are sure greedy. Imagine all those doctors who've stood around and watched their children and spouses and parents die of cancer, when they could have cured them, but it would have meant money out of their pockets. That's hard to imagine, but, it must be true, because this homeless ex-nurse in Virginia says so.
This aforementioned family member-in-law believes any conspiracy that is based on the premise that all doctors are crooks. I know that many doctors are money-grubbing louses, but I'm willing to bet that there are a few out there who truly care about their fellow man. Now, that's a wild theory I know. This in-law doesn't believe a word doctors say, but if she were riding along and heard on the radio from some quack that elephant mucus mixed with monkey brains would cure arthritis, she'd immediately start scouring the herb/health fanatics stores for Dumbonzo or whatever they named the magic medicine. And, if it were a thousand dollars an ounce, she'd buy some.
Obviously, we live in a world today where it's fashionable, and, at times, even reasonable, to distrust those in positions of authority or prominence. But, my theory is that it would be impossible for such conspiracy theories to be true. Are you ready for my brilliant deduction?
Here goes. If we are to believe these theories, we'd have to believe that the conspirators are a bunch of greedy, corrupt, manipulative men and women, who, despite all these flaws, deal with one another with total integrity. We'd have to believe that, while these conspirators are greedy, that they're so loyal to each other, that not even one of them has ever decided to break rank and go out on his own and make the big bucks for himself.
If a doctor had a pill that could truly cure cancer, don't you think he could sell each pill for as much as, or more than, he'd charge for all of his treatments combined? How much would you pay for a pill that you knew could stop your loved one from dying of cancer? Well, these theorists believe such a pill exists. And, they also believe that the medical/pharmaceutical industry can't figure out a way to make a bigger profit by selling the pill rather than keep it under wraps.
That's my take on the matter. If you see an error in my reasoning, please let me know. That is if this column ever sees the light of day. You may not believe this, but there's a cartel of other columnists who are conspiring right now to keep you from reading this. I'm not sure why, but I know they're out there.