A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Wedding

I've come to the conclusion that for sheer non-stop hilarity, nothing beats a good wedding. I attended a family wedding this past weekend, and, let me tell you, the laughs were fast and furious. First, just in case anyone in the family is reading this, I will say that the bride and groom were a beautiful couple. In fact, the entire wedding party was very attractive. But, as is so often the case, particularly when the couple getting married have lots of young friends, you see some interesting sights at weddings today.
This wedding had its share of blue jean wearing, face-piercing guests. I often wonder when I'm attending a somewhat formal, or at least dressy function, if these young hip-hopping guys try to coordinate their boxer shorts with the rest of their wardrobe. Does one pull his pants up, and then lower them to get just the right underpants waistband exposure? Does he look in the mirror and say, "Hey, these boxers look terrific with my shirt?"
Do you remember the days when, if one's underwear was showing, it would be embarrassing? Well, those days have come and gone, it would appear. People will wear just about anything to a wedding these days. One young man was wearing a jacket, that, through the use of clasically elegant embroidery, proudly proclaimed Budweiser to be the king of beers. Others had, not only jeans, but those purposely-torn jeans. I used to split my pants with regularity, but it was always accidental, and always a cause for embarrassment. Nowadays, it's evidently gauche if your clothes are not torn.
But enough about the clothing. That was only the warm up act for a truly entertaining afternoon. The pianist/organist was priceless. This woman, using nothing but the ten fingers on her two hands, was able to perfectly replicate the sounds one would expect to hear if a person were playing the piano with his or her elbows. And, when she turned to her left to play the organ, it only got more enjoyable.
The lady knew every chord, and she played them all simultaneously. At one point, I nervously looked over at her, fully thinking she had passed out on the keyboard. I don't know how she did it, but she was able to depress every key on the organ at the same moment.
At the exact announced time for the wedding to begin, she turned, looked towards the back of the room, nodded, as if she'd been given the signal, and began to play Here Comes the Bride on the organ. I glanced back to see if the bride were coming, because I hadn't even seen the parents being seated at that point.
No one was coming down the aisle except a couple of guys with metal studs all over their faces. I'm sure if I had had a good magnet on me, I could have forced them to sit next to me. Fortunately, I had no such magnet.
Anyway, the organist finishes up Here Comes the Bride, and then plays it again. Again no bridal party is in sight. After about ten minutes of Here Comes the Bride, here comes the minister. He's wearing this little headset, and, quite logically, I initially assumed he was a Time Life operator who'd rushed to make it to the wedding. Well the guy, who, as it turns out, is the aforementioned minister, goes up to the organist and whispers something to her. He then speaks to the audience, using his cute little headset (a la Garth Brooks), and informs us that one of the ladies is late, and there's going to be a slight delay.
No problem. I was basking in the joy of the organ/piano recital.
Speaking of which, the organist, now turns again to her right and begins to bang on the piano. I think she was squeezing out some Christmas carols, but I can't say with authority, exactly what it was she was playing. Finally, after about ten more minutes, the minister comes down the aisle, looking a little frantic. "Now I can't find the groom," he announces. I'm not sure if he's speaking to himself, or to us. But, the headset picks it up. He looks behind a few doors, and finally locates the groom. The two of them come out and stand on the little stage area.
Next, the accomplished organist gets the signal, so she starts playing Here Comes the Bride again. This time the bride and groom's famililies are escorted in. She then stops the song in mid-stream and starts playing Here Comes the Bride again as the groomsmen and bridesmaids march in. Then when the flower girl and the young ring bearer come in, she stops playing Here Comes the Bride. Guess what she plays for them. You got it...Here Comes the Bride.
Finally, it's time for the bride and her father, so as a change of pace, the organist decides to play Here Comes the Bride. Everybody in the party gets settled in and the minister starts in to his wedding sermon. He's a good speaker, but very dramtic. He looks like a rather youngish Barry Manlow, but with a beard, and, truth be told, the wedding was done somewhat like a Las Vegas lounge act. The minster is moving around on the stage, stepping down to whisper in the bride's ear. He's evidently trying to reassure her of something. He's very animated in his delivery, but within minutes, with only a brief pause for the minister to show everyone his wedding ring, the bride and groom are united in marriage.
The wedding was so much fun, I was hoping for more hilarity at the reception. Unfortunately the reception is very subdued. Everyone is so busy eating ham biscuits and fried chicken, that no one even bothers to speak to one another. I've heard more chatter at a mime convention. But, the biscuits were good, and to me, a good biscuit beats a good laugh any day.
All in all it was a great day. I enjoyed it so much, I can't wait to go to another wedding. If you care to invite me to yours, please do so. I'll even grace you with my rendition of Here Comes the Bride. But I must warn you...I do it with a kazoo.