I spend a lot of time on the road...well, actually, in my car on the road. And as I ride, I observe. Just call me observant, if you will, but I do.
Here's something I've noticed. I've actually noticed this for nearly five years, but I've wanted to give this observation plenty of time before I said anything about it.
But, I think it's time I can make my findings public.
Here goes. I hope this doesn't offend anyone, especially you flag-wavers. But, it seems to me that virtually every person that has a flag decal on their automobile is a horrific driver.
My observation has been proven to be true time and again. Invariably, if I'm riding down the interstate and the traffic backs up in the passing lane because some moron is out there doing about 45 mph, when I get behind said moron, he or she almost always has a flag stuck on the back of his or her vehicle.
Back, right after 9-11, when so many had flags on their cars, it was hard to prove my point, although even then I tended to notice it. But, today, when those flags are few and far between it becomes more obvious. If you haven't noticed it, pay attention and let me know what you find.
I've been trying to figure out a correlation. Could it be that mainly older folks put flag decals on their cars? Of course, that would imply that older folks are, as a class, bad drivers. I don't believe that is true, although I will have to admit that often those flags are on the cars that are being driven by what I lovingly refer to as blue-haired brake riders.
You know the type. They love that passing lane. They just don't love to pass. They get out there and tap the brakes every fifteen seconds or so, regardless of the traffic conditions in front of them. I guess they just want to make sure the brakes are still there, or ensure that they haven't forgotten how to use them.
Often they'll have a passenger with them, even older than they, and these two precious souls are just having a delightful chat as they crawl down the highway, totally oblivious to the traffic piling up behind them. When you get behind such a driver, check and see if he or she has a flag decal on their car. You'll probably also see some sort of decal indicative of the lodge to which they belong.
But, don't get me wrong, it's not necessarily older drivers who have the flag decals. Although it's often older cars. Come to think of it, I see few flags stuck to new Lexuses (Lexi?).
Now, far be it from me to ridicule those who drive older cars. I proudly drive a '94 Saturn. No, my hair isn't blue yet, but there's a fantastic rinse in the Walgreen's that I've had my eye on. It would give me just a hint of tint. That can't be so bad, can it? Or should I go with a pink? Decisions, decisions.
Maybe those who drive those clunkers use the decals to hold their cars together. Heaven knows, I could use a decal or two. Maybe it would stop the rattling. So far, the only thing I've found that successfully gets rid of the horrible sound my car makes is to turn the radio up louder.
I may be on to something regarding just who is driving cars with flags, and why they're driving so poorly, but I have a suspicion that there's more to it than meets the eye. Maybe you have some ideas. If so, please share them. Or, if you have a flag on your car, just write and tell me why you are such a miserable driver. I honestly would love to know.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
TV Broad Casting
Well, I'm no Michael Ausiellio. I'm straight. But, I do have some exciting TV news. Okay, it's not really all that exciting, and it's not actually news. But I do have some things to say about television.
First of all...I caught a portion of Last Comic Standing. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't the word "comic" used to have the connotation of someone who was funny? These people last night were pathetic. And, it's not just the wannabe stand-up comedian in me rearing his ugly head. Even if I weren't the envious, jealous type, I still wouldn't have found anything funny about the two "comedians" I saw on the show.
One was a woman. First of all, women should not attempt comedy. I know that will iritate many of you, but there are very, very few women who can pull it off. But, like so many comics, this gal last night obviously thinks that mentioning parts of the human anatomy is good for a laugh. Hey lady (and I use that term loosely), you're not funny. Ha Ha. You said the word (CENSORED). That's a riot. I ain't never heard no lady say that word before. Guffaw.
The guy I heard, who was thankfully voted off, started off clean...humorless, but clean. Then, right at the end he got bleeped. I could figure out what he had bleeped, but it still wasn't funny. Since these idiots are doing a network TV show, don't they have enough self-control or confidence in their ability to create humor, than to use expletives?
On to other news, I am now into day 20,271 of having not watched The View. Just when you think it's safe to go back - ie Meredith Vieira's departure - they go and hire Rosie O'Donnell. If anyone could make me long to see Meredith Vieira, it would be Rosie O'Donnell. It's not because of her orientation, if you know what I'm trying to say. I really enjoy Ellen DeGeneris. It's the fact that she's...well, she's Rosie O'Donnell, who happens to be one of the most obnoxious, disgusting humans ever to appear on television.
I mean think about it. If Rosie O'Donnell can drive someone like Star Jones off the show, how hideous must she be. And, no, her ability to exterminate Star from the show does not bring her up enough in my opinion that I'd ever want to see her bloated mug.
I did see The View once. I wasn't able to watch TV at all for a month afterwards. Does anyone really think watching a bunch of egotisitical women sitting around talking about themselves makes for interesting television? I don't.
Now, in case I seem hardened, I want to say that I did watch the Everwood series finale and cried like a baby. I'm glad no one was around when I was watching. I didn't just have a tear or two slip out of my eye, I wept openly, longly, and loudly. I don't want to seem hardened, but I also don't want to come across like some emotional old man, but I hadn't cried that much since I watched Mr. Holland's Opus. It's really not fair for those television writers to manipulate us that way.
Everwood was a kind, gentle show with what I felt were pretty real emotions. Not that I know much about real emotions. I'd have to say, in sitting here and thinking about it, that the only thing I've seen recently that was sadder than Everwood's final episode, was last night's Last Comic Standing. Now, that really was sad.
First of all...I caught a portion of Last Comic Standing. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't the word "comic" used to have the connotation of someone who was funny? These people last night were pathetic. And, it's not just the wannabe stand-up comedian in me rearing his ugly head. Even if I weren't the envious, jealous type, I still wouldn't have found anything funny about the two "comedians" I saw on the show.
One was a woman. First of all, women should not attempt comedy. I know that will iritate many of you, but there are very, very few women who can pull it off. But, like so many comics, this gal last night obviously thinks that mentioning parts of the human anatomy is good for a laugh. Hey lady (and I use that term loosely), you're not funny. Ha Ha. You said the word (CENSORED). That's a riot. I ain't never heard no lady say that word before. Guffaw.
The guy I heard, who was thankfully voted off, started off clean...humorless, but clean. Then, right at the end he got bleeped. I could figure out what he had bleeped, but it still wasn't funny. Since these idiots are doing a network TV show, don't they have enough self-control or confidence in their ability to create humor, than to use expletives?
On to other news, I am now into day 20,271 of having not watched The View. Just when you think it's safe to go back - ie Meredith Vieira's departure - they go and hire Rosie O'Donnell. If anyone could make me long to see Meredith Vieira, it would be Rosie O'Donnell. It's not because of her orientation, if you know what I'm trying to say. I really enjoy Ellen DeGeneris. It's the fact that she's...well, she's Rosie O'Donnell, who happens to be one of the most obnoxious, disgusting humans ever to appear on television.
I mean think about it. If Rosie O'Donnell can drive someone like Star Jones off the show, how hideous must she be. And, no, her ability to exterminate Star from the show does not bring her up enough in my opinion that I'd ever want to see her bloated mug.
I did see The View once. I wasn't able to watch TV at all for a month afterwards. Does anyone really think watching a bunch of egotisitical women sitting around talking about themselves makes for interesting television? I don't.
Now, in case I seem hardened, I want to say that I did watch the Everwood series finale and cried like a baby. I'm glad no one was around when I was watching. I didn't just have a tear or two slip out of my eye, I wept openly, longly, and loudly. I don't want to seem hardened, but I also don't want to come across like some emotional old man, but I hadn't cried that much since I watched Mr. Holland's Opus. It's really not fair for those television writers to manipulate us that way.
Everwood was a kind, gentle show with what I felt were pretty real emotions. Not that I know much about real emotions. I'd have to say, in sitting here and thinking about it, that the only thing I've seen recently that was sadder than Everwood's final episode, was last night's Last Comic Standing. Now, that really was sad.
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