Remembering Mary Lynn cooK

They say one should never attempt to write a column when one is filled with grief. But, I say, why not? It might be therapeutic.
I am grief stricken today. I guess you can understand why, when I tell you…I’m left handed.
You did hear the news, didn’t you? They (not the same they that say you should never write a column…) are now saying that left-handed people are left-handed because when we were first conceived we had a twin, who somehow dissolved within us.
First of all, I say, “Yuck!” But then I reflect on my grief. I think of the implications. There must have been two of me. Well, actually not two of me, because I think when I do my reflecting that this dissolved twin theory answers a lot of other questions I’ve had in my life.
For instance, if I’m in a large group and I hear someone yell, “Hey, Mary Lynn,” I always turn my head. Do you suppose my dissolved twin was a beautiful little baby girl, named Mary Lynn. Makes sense to me.
I know you’re hoping for some sort of sick confession from me that, as a child, I liked to play with dolls. Nothing like that. But, I always did enjoy the smell of fingernail polish remover. Still do, as a matter of fact.
I think that’s Mary Lynn speaking. And, as much as I would have loved my little sister, I have a feeling she would have been the evil twin. It is my understanding that in all twin relations, there’s a good twin and an evil twin. I learned that from watching soap operas as a child.
Just like on every police force, there is a good cop and a bad cop. Only sometimes the good cop becomes the bad cop and the bad cop the good cop, but I digress.
Mary Lynn must have had a very evil side to her. I know one shouldn’t speak ill of the dissolved, but I have to face facts. That was one evil little girl. Or how else can you explain that someone as kind and loving and thoughtful as I can sometimes think such evil thoughts?
For instance, have you ever been driving down the road and passed a student-driver? And, did you ever have a desire to ram that car off the road, just to let the student driver know how dangerous it can be on the highway? If so, then, you’re either an evil twin, or you’re left-handed. Up til now, I mistakenly thought I was evil.
I didn’t want to think evil of myself, but sometimes I say things to people that I know are not polite. For instance, just this weekend, I phoned a local cab company and asked the guy how much to take a cab from one place to another.
He answered in some sort of a terrorist dialect. It made me (really, Mary Lynn) so mad, I (she) said, “I can’t understand a word you said.” And I hung up. I was blaming myself for that, but now, it would appear I’ve been too hard on myself. Mary Lynn deserves every bit of the blame.
I’m not glad she dissolved, but to be honest, the poor thing would have had a hard row to hoe in life, what with her evilness and all. But, still, perhaps with my good example as her big brother, she would have come around.
One more thing…I asked my mother if she knew about Mary Lynn. She feigned ignorance. But, how else could you explain her wanting me to wear a strapless gown to my senior prom? It’s all making a lot of sense to me now.
I wish I’d known about my twin years ago. But, better late than never. Mary Lynn, I’m going to spend this day remembering you.