My Big Accomplishment This Week

I watched the entire Golden Globe awards the other night. I gotta tell you, it was a thrill to discover just what that Hollywood Foreign Press Association was thinking this year. After having so successfully watched the program, I'm moved to make a few comments. First of all, I want to thank my many friends who made it possible for me to watch the show. Without their total lack of interest in me and my life, I'm sure I would have been interrupted by phone calls and invitations to go out to dinner and what not.
I also want to thank the publishers of our magazines. They allow me a few hours off in the evenings for relaxation and to grab a quick bite. Without that sort of support, I never would have been able to watch the show.
I'd also like to take a moment to thank my mother. When I was just a child, she taught me how to operate the television. I can control the horizontal and vertical, the brightness, and the contrast. Had it not been for her tireless efforts in my behalf, never could I have had the full enjoyment of the show, and, oh yeah, since I don't have cable, her instructions on adjusting the rabbit ears proved invaluable. Now, I will admit, the remote, I had to learn on my own. My mother never liked those new-fangled devices. I think she thinks they cause cancer by sending invisible rays through the house.
And, of course, where would I be without my wife. She actually bought the TV. And, without the TV, my enjoyment of the Golden Globes would have been tremendously diminished. It's a nice TV, too. It's a flat-screen HDTV wannabe. And (don't tell my mother this), it has a remote.
I'm sure there are many of the little people that contributed so much, that I'm forgetting in the emotion of the moment. I'm speaking, of course, of the family of midgets who live next door. I never can remember their names, but they're always there, willing to lend a helping hand. Why just last night, they knocked on the door to tell me I had left the lights on in my car. Now, you may be wondering how that helped me enjoy the awards program.
I can answer that in three words, my friend... "peace of mind." I could sit in the comfort of my bedroom, reclining on my sleep number bed (which my wife also bought), and enjoy the awards, knowing that if I had, indeed, forgotten to turn the light off in my car, they'd be right there knocking on the lower portion of the door, reminding me to turn off the light.
You see, my ability to have successfully enjoyed the Golden Globes, as I did, was much more than a one-man effort. True, I was the one who turned the TV on. I poured my Diet Coke and made me a peanut butter sandwich. I even raised my bed to a level of optimum viewing comfort. And, of course, I did the viewing. But, had it not been for the tireless efforts of all these others, the success would simply not be there.
Well, my boss is giving me the signal to wrap this up. So let me just conclude by saying that I am duly humbled. I am grateful. I am indebted to each of you. Thank you, one and all. God bless.