Great Expectorations

I'm going to be a bit daring today and broach a subject from which almost everyone shies away. It's something close to my heart, and yours too, for that matter, if you're like me, anyway. I'm going to talk about phlegm. Now don't run from this. It's time to face this subject head on.
I'm certainly not going to belittle those with excessive phlegm. Indeed, if phlegm had some sort of monetary value, I'd be a national treasure. What I am going to do is belittle those who think nothing of expelling their phlegm in public.
I have a friend who may be one of the great phlegm manufacturers of all times. He keeps a Dixie cup with him wherever he goes. Need I say more.
I'll sometimes visit this friend to watch a football game on TV, but as soon as I see he's having one of those Dixie cup days, I have to leave. I'm thinking to myself, what sort of barn were you raised in. Actually, he was raised on a farm, but I don't think that has anything to do with it.
I don't know about you, but once I see someone hacking up phlegm into a receptical which they then keep by their side, I can't concentrate on anything else. It has to be one of the most disgusting practices imaginable. If I have to remove phlegm, which we all do from time to time, I excuse myself, go into the bathroom and swoosh, it's down the drain. I can't stand to be around my own phlegm, much less the phlegm of friends and family.
Now, I recognize that phlegm is a necessity. They say it keeps the lungs lubricated, or something like that. It's not my job to teach a medical course here. In its place, I'm sure phlegm is a wonderful thing, but its place is not in some cup next to me.
If there's one thing you've learned about me by now it's that I'm not one to complain. I believe in finding solutions to problems. And, while I don't really know the solution to this problem, I'm sure there are some brilliant minds out there working on a polite phlegm removal system right now.
What I want to do is form a research group. I'm calling it the Society of Phlegm Eradicators Worldwide, or SPEW for short. I am using this blog, which I'm sure is read by millions daily, to put the call out for those who want to get involved. Maybe you've been wanting to contribute to a good cause, but just can't find one you feel is worthy of your time or assets. I'm confident SPEW is just what you are looking for.
I'm thinking of doing some sort of telethon, but I'm not sure that most viewers would be willing to devote that much time to watching people spit. So, a telethon may need a little fine tuning, but I think the details can be worked out. I would like to hear from those who have developed their own phlegm removal program that doesn't offend or nauseate others. Please feel free to share your thoughts and ideas, and, hopefully, in our lifetime, public phlegm will become a thing of the past.
Too ambitious? Perhaps, but even if I don't live to see a phlegm-free world, I would like to think that centuries from now, whenever my name is mentioned, people will associate me with SPEW. One can only hope.