DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE FORMER WAR PRISONER AND THE BLACK GUY

Perhaps, it’s because I’m so apolitical, so completely out of the loop, politically speaking, that I’m so highly respected by both Mr. Obama and Mr. McCain. There are other sterling qualities of mine that have led to these two gentlemen holding me in such high esteem, but whatever the case, suffice it to say that they like me…they really like me, so much so, that they asked me to interview them for this highly popular blog, a blog, which I must boast, is read by upwards of a dozen people each day or month or so.
I met with the Presidential candidates recently and here is the result of a very insightful interview:

ME: First, thank you both for allowing me this opportunity

MR. OBAMA: Steve, you’re quite welcome.

MR. MCCAIN: Steve, you’re even more welcome with me.

MR. OBAMA: Steve, I hope you noticed who said “you’re welcome” first. So, Mr. McCain, is simply acknowledging my saying it and agreeing with me.

MR. MCCAIN: Steve, if you’ll look at my record, you will clearly see that I said, “You’re welcome,” back in 1982, which was just a couple of decades after I returned from my imprisonment on behalf of my country.

ME: Well, I think I understand both of your positions on that subject. Let’s move on.

BOTH MEN: Sure

MR. MCCAIN: I said it first.

MR. OBAMA; No, I did.

ME: Both of you said it well, I must admit. But, let’s continue. Mr. Obama, why do you think you should be president?

MR. OBAMA: Well, I think the most important reason that Americans should elect me President, is that I will invite every American to my inaugural party. I seriously doubt that Mr. McCain would do that.

ME: But, sir, you’re talking about inviting millions and millions of people. Where could you hold such a party as that? You don’t have anyplace that would be big enough.

MR. OBAMA: Steve, that sounds like a pretty racist thing for you to say.

ME: Well, the only race I’m interested in right now is the…

MR. MCCAIN: Let me guess this one, Steve. You’re going to say the human race, right?

ME: No, although that would be trite enough, I was actually going to say the race for President.

MR. MCCAIN: (LAUGHING) Oh, that’s a good one. I like a good laugh. You know when I was being tortured, it always helped to have a good laugh. Did you know I was tortured?

ME: Yes, I read that somewhere. But, back to you Mr. Obama. Even if you couldn’t invite everyone in America to your party, what are the chances that editors of local magazines might get to go?

MR. OBAMA: Let me just say that only in America could an editor get an invitation. This is a great country and for the first time in my adult life, I’m proud to say so.

ME: What sort of food do you anticipate serving? Finger sandwiches are always good, and chicken wings, and, oh yeah meatballs.

MR. MCCAIN: Hey, if you’re having meatballs, I might be interested. You know, when I was being held in prison…you did know I was being held in prison, didn’t you?

MR. OBAMA: We know that John, and let me just say that only in America could a former prisoner be defeated by a 50% black man for the position of the highest office in the land.

MR. MCCAIN: Yeah, yeah, sure, okay, good. But, I think we were talking about me and, of course meatballs. Do you think you’ll be serving meatballs? And, if so, do you think you could get some of those multi-colored toothpicks.

MR. OBAMA: Multi-colored, eh? That’s rather racist isn’t it?

MR. MCCAIN: Well, maybe I misspoke. You know, as a result of my years of being tortured, sometimes I say things I don’t mean.

ME: Whoa, you two. I think I’m conducting the interview around here. Mr. Obama, you’ve been dodging any questions about Mr. Ayers. I’ve done a little research and I’d like to ask you a question.

MR. OBAMA: Hold on, young man. I’ll not stand for such racist questioning.

ME: Well, I haven’t actually asked anything yet? And besides, from my research I have discovered that Mr. Ayers is white, isn’t he?

MR. OBAMA: And furthermore, you can leave my wife, Michelle (WAVING TO MICHELLE WHO IS WAITING IN THE WINGS) out of this. I’ll not stand for that, or for any racism. I’m only for change.

MR. MCCAIN: Speaking of which, did you know that because of the severe treatment I received during the war, it’s difficult for me to grasp change?

ME: Huh?

MR. MCCAIN: It’s really very difficult. I can hang on to dollar bills and such, but I can barely pick up a quarter off the floor. But, I was proud to do my part in serving my country.

MR. OBAMA: I was even prouder, Steve. Honest. And, furthermore, I’m not a racist, like some Presidential candidates I could mention (MR OBAMA POINTS AT MR MCCAIN, BUT HIDES HIS POINTING FINGER BEHIND HIS OTHER HAND AS A DIPLOMATIC MEASURE)

MR. MCCAIN: Well, if you’re suggesting I am a racist, I think we have come to a parting of our minds, or whatever. There’s not a racist bone in my previously tortured body. But, I would like to ask just one more question…at this party you’re going to have, you’re not planning on serving chitterlings…are you?