Blogger, Heal Thyself

Perhaps it’s because my father was a doctor, I don’t know, but, somehow, even though he has been dead for many years, my thirst for medical knowledge continues to go unquenched. Some say that I should have followed in his footsteps and become a doctor myself. I’ve chosen to help humanity in my own special little way…by expounding on a variety of medical-like topics, and giving my own uneducated and unfounded opinions. It doesn’t cost me nearly as much as I would have spent on medical school. Admittedly, I may not know everything a doctor knows, but, what the hey. I’m not actually writing any prescriptions here.
Anyway, I am still, after all these years, fascinated with all things medical. I’ve been doing quite a bit of medical research lately, mainly using the internet, and have found some really exciting stories that have reached out, as it were, and grabbed my attention. I’m going to share them, and get this, all at no charge to you.
First item: There’s a fascinating story out of Israel about some rather extensive studies being done at the University of Haifa. What they’ve spent plenty of hours and money to find out is that people with prefrontal brain damage don’t grasp sarcasm. Isn’t that ironic? The very people you really would want to use it on, won’t get it. Now, isn’t that special. One thing I’m glad to know is that so much money is being spent on studying something so important as this. (If you took me seriously here, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you probably have prefrontal brain damage – and that’s bound to hurt.)
Second story in the Steve Cook Journal of Medical News: Research has shown that kudzu extracts (you know, that vine that just keeps on growing and growing) help discourage drinking in rats and hamsters. I don’t know about you, but this is big news.
If there’s one thing I hate around the house it’s a drunken rat. They treat the cat with such disdain. Remind me to place a little kudzu in the kitchen. Hamsters, however, just seem to get cuter the more they drink. Have you ever seen an inebriated hamster trying to operate that little treadmill thing? It’s hilarious.
And one final story: Botox has been found to be effective in eliminating underarm sweating. First thing about this is that the Botox has to be injected right into the armpit. I, for one, couldn’t hold still or stop giggling long enough to have that done. But, what I’m wondering is if it really eliminates the sweating or just makes it so you can’t raise your arms high enough to see if you’re sweating.
There’s one tiny little problem with this whole thing. A stick of deodorant costs about two dollars. A Botox treatment runs about a thousand. I could buy quite a few Speed Sticks for a couple grand. Plus, is it really such a good thing to stop sweating? I guess you can tell if someone has been injecting Botox in his or her armpits. They’re the ones lying on the floor, with their tongues hanging out, panting and drooling. No thanks, I think I’d choose a sweater over a drooler.
Well, that’s the latest in the world of health and medicine. I hope you feel better from just having read this. I know I do. And even though there’s no charge, you might be able to submit the cost of your computer to your insurance company. Let me know if that works.