It’s Monday night. I’m about ready to turn in for the night. Tomorrow is the worst day of the year. If I had the ability to put myself in hibernation mode and go to sleep tonight and not wake up until Wednesday morning, I’d do so.
Tomorrow, if I go into the bank, my financial matters will be cared for by a witch. If I go to the doctor’s office, the nurse will be a pirate, and, the doctor may well be Satan the Devil himself. The folks down at the DMV especially make a big to do about the day. They actually will go to work disguised as intelligent people.
Not to mention that about one fourth of all the males in many offices around town will be dressed like women. Earl “Gloria” Schmep, president of the NAACD, The National Association for the Advancement of Cross Dressers, says Halloween is the most glorious day of the year. It certainly is a day that cross dressers can spread their wings and fly. I just wish so many of them weren’t flying right into me.
If there were one argument to be made to prove that human brains were being taken over by alien life forces, it would be Halloween. It’s the day (night) when normally semi-sane people think it’s quite alright to have fake blood dripping from their mouths as they take my order at Burger King. Hey, I don’t care if it is fake blood, keep your drool out of my fries. Oh, that’s right. It’s Halloween. Anything goes.
For 364 days a year (365 during leap year) parents tell their kids not to play in the street, to be home before dark, and not to take candy from strangers. But, on Halloween, all these rules fly out the window. Not only is it fine and dandy to play in the streets after dark, and to go to the homes of strangers, and then, later, devour anything those strangers may choose to drop into your bag, but it’s perfectly fine to be wearing dark clothing and a mask. It’s a field day for serial hit and run drivers. And, if Johnny doesn’t make it home in one piece, oh well, it is, after all, Halloween.
I hate Halloween. I hate everything about it. When I was a child, I was not especially religious. Well, I was more religious than the rest of my family. I used to lay my hands on the TV, hoping that Oral Roberts could clear up my sinuses. Yes, even as a child I was a hypochondriac. Anyway, my family really wasn’t a churchgoing family. But, I remember going to church on Halloween. They had candy and punch and ice cream and witches and ghosts and even a fortune teller.
It’s like the preacher and the deacons got together and made a list of all the ungodly things they could do in the church. And then they invited all of the kids into the church to do them. Somehow, I can’t picture Jesus dressed in a skeleton costume giving the sermon on the mount. But, maybe I just lack a good imagination.
Now, the truth is many men of the cloth have never met a pagan festival they didn’t take a shine to, but Halloween is just so blatant. I am baffled how anyone could not find it offensive. If you see your preacher tomorrow, why don’t you ask him what he thinks about Halloween. By the way, he’ll be the one dressed like a stripper.
Monday, October 30, 2006
The Ghoul of Some People
It’s Monday night. I’m about ready to turn in for the night. Tomorrow is the worst day of the year. If I had the ability to put myself in hibernation mode and go to sleep tonight and not wake up until Wednesday morning, I’d do so.
Tomorrow, if I go into the bank, my financial matters will be cared for by a witch. If I go to the doctor’s office, the nurse will be a pirate, and, the doctor may well be Satan the Devil himself. The folks down at the DMV especially make a big to do about the day. They actually will go to work disguised as intelligent people.
Not to mention that about one fourth of all the males in many offices around town will be dressed like women. Earl “Gloria” Schmep, president of the NAACD, The National Association for the Advancement of Cross Dressers, says Halloween is the most glorious day of the year. It certainly is a day that cross dressers can spread their wings and fly. I just wish so many of them weren’t flying right into me.
If there were one argument to be made to prove that human brains were being taken over by alien life forces, it would be Halloween. It’s the day (night) when normally semi-sane people think it’s quite alright to have fake blood dripping from their mouths as they take my order at Burger King. Hey, I don’t care if it is fake blood, keep your drool out of my fries. Oh, that’s right. It’s Halloween. Anything goes.
For 364 days a year (365 during leap year) parents tell their kids not to play in the street, to be home before dark, and not to take candy from strangers. But, on Halloween, all these rules fly out the window. Not only is it fine and dandy to play in the streets after dark, and to go to the homes of strangers, and then, later, devour anything those strangers may choose to drop into your bag, but it’s perfectly fine to be wearing dark clothing and a mask. It’s a field day for serial hit and run drivers. And, if Johnny doesn’t make it home in one piece, oh well, it is, after all, Halloween.
I hate Halloween. I hate everything about it. When I was a child, I was not especially religious. Well, I was more religious than the rest of my family. I used to lay my hands on the TV, hoping that Oral Roberts could clear up my sinuses. Yes, even as a child I was a hypochondriac. Anyway, my family really wasn’t a churchgoing family. But, I remember going to church on Halloween. They had candy and punch and ice cream and witches and ghosts and even a fortune teller.
It’s like the preacher and the deacons got together and made a list of all the ungodly things they could do in the church. And then they invited all of the kids into the church to do them. Somehow, I can’t picture Jesus dressed in a skeleton costume giving the sermon on the mount. But, maybe I just lack a good imagination.
Now, the truth is many men of the cloth have never met a pagan festival they didn’t take a shine to, but Halloween is just so blatant. I am baffled how anyone could not find it offensive. If you see your preacher tomorrow, why don’t you ask him what he thinks about Halloween. By the way, he’ll be the one dressed like a stripper.
Tomorrow, if I go into the bank, my financial matters will be cared for by a witch. If I go to the doctor’s office, the nurse will be a pirate, and, the doctor may well be Satan the Devil himself. The folks down at the DMV especially make a big to do about the day. They actually will go to work disguised as intelligent people.
Not to mention that about one fourth of all the males in many offices around town will be dressed like women. Earl “Gloria” Schmep, president of the NAACD, The National Association for the Advancement of Cross Dressers, says Halloween is the most glorious day of the year. It certainly is a day that cross dressers can spread their wings and fly. I just wish so many of them weren’t flying right into me.
If there were one argument to be made to prove that human brains were being taken over by alien life forces, it would be Halloween. It’s the day (night) when normally semi-sane people think it’s quite alright to have fake blood dripping from their mouths as they take my order at Burger King. Hey, I don’t care if it is fake blood, keep your drool out of my fries. Oh, that’s right. It’s Halloween. Anything goes.
For 364 days a year (365 during leap year) parents tell their kids not to play in the street, to be home before dark, and not to take candy from strangers. But, on Halloween, all these rules fly out the window. Not only is it fine and dandy to play in the streets after dark, and to go to the homes of strangers, and then, later, devour anything those strangers may choose to drop into your bag, but it’s perfectly fine to be wearing dark clothing and a mask. It’s a field day for serial hit and run drivers. And, if Johnny doesn’t make it home in one piece, oh well, it is, after all, Halloween.
I hate Halloween. I hate everything about it. When I was a child, I was not especially religious. Well, I was more religious than the rest of my family. I used to lay my hands on the TV, hoping that Oral Roberts could clear up my sinuses. Yes, even as a child I was a hypochondriac. Anyway, my family really wasn’t a churchgoing family. But, I remember going to church on Halloween. They had candy and punch and ice cream and witches and ghosts and even a fortune teller.
It’s like the preacher and the deacons got together and made a list of all the ungodly things they could do in the church. And then they invited all of the kids into the church to do them. Somehow, I can’t picture Jesus dressed in a skeleton costume giving the sermon on the mount. But, maybe I just lack a good imagination.
Now, the truth is many men of the cloth have never met a pagan festival they didn’t take a shine to, but Halloween is just so blatant. I am baffled how anyone could not find it offensive. If you see your preacher tomorrow, why don’t you ask him what he thinks about Halloween. By the way, he’ll be the one dressed like a stripper.
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