A Few Corrections From Things I've Said Previously

I'm not a political sort of guy at all. However, as a lifelong observer of human nature, I have learned a few things by following the goings on among the presidential contenders...especially from Mrs. Clinton. I've seen her sniper fire comments backfire spraying political shrapnel all over the place. I don't want to have anything I may have inadvertently said in the past, come back to haunt me. So. I'm here to clear the air.

Remember a year or so back, when I wrote about having gone into my bank, and gotten caught up in a bank robbery? "Bullets were flying over my head," I wrote at the time. I misspoke. What I had meant to say is that I went to the bank and I got there right after the bank had closed. And I looked at the teller through the glass door and pointed to my watch to say, "Excuse me, ma'm, but it's two minutes til closing time." And she had mouthed back to me, "Sorry." That's what actually happened. Close, but not exactly the way I had described it. But, let's be honest. Don't we all, from time to time, when we're under pressure, or we're trying to hide our personal failures and foibles, tend to totally lie about a matter? I'm not trying to justify anything, but, tell me, that if you weren't trying to find some excuse for something you'd done, you wouldn't just embellish the story a bit to make yourself look better. With that said, let's move on.

A couple of years ago, I told you about having a driver run me off the road, then get out of his car, come back to my car, open my door, yank me out, and beat me about the arms and face. Do you remember that? I misspoke. Although, that is what the guy had intended to do, had he gotten the opportunity, in truth, he only flipped the proverbial bird at me. I have an excuse for misspeaking on that one, though. Mrs. Clinton inspired me. I, too, was suffering from sleep depravation when I wrote that column.

And, while I'm not political, let me digress for just a moment. Mrs. Clinton said that the reason she said she had come under sniper fire when she hadn't, was that she was suffering from sleep deprivation at the time. Huh? Wasn't she the one who produced the TV spot about the phone ringing in the White House at three in the morning? Suppose the call comes in when she's sleepy. I hope she doesn't decide to nuke California because she gets a call that the Governor has criticized her. You know sleep depravation can do that. All of a sudden, through no fault of their own, the people of California are wiped off the map. Hmm, maybe sleep depravation is not all bad.

Anyway, I'm not here to talk about Hillary Clinton. This is all about me, baby. I'm trying to get a few things off my chest. One of those things is more a personal note to my family. Do y'all remember how I told you that when Uncle Eddie had that seizure I had called 911 and they never responded? Do you remember how at Uncle Eddie's funeral, I had railed against the local 911 people for their lack of professionalism? Do you remember how I had threatened to sue someone?

Well, I misspoke. Now, to be totally fair to myself, I had meant to call 911. Actually, I dialed 411. Then when the operator asked me what number I was looking for, I asked her to give me the local 911 number. She muttered something under her breath and hung up. That made me so mad that I took off in my car to do down to the phone company and give them a piece of my mind. I honestly forgot all about Uncle Eddie until the next morning. But, hey, nobody's human. We all make mistakes.

And sometimes my mistake is that i misspeak. I think it all stems from that time when I was a kid and was kidnapped and held hostage in an underground bunker for three weeks. That can scar a kid sometimes, you know.