My Cousin's Big Beautiful Non-Greek (I think) Wedding

If someone ever does another Profiles In Courage type book, I think my actions today will warrant there being a chapter on me. Yes, I'm going to skate on thin ice, as it were...to go out on a limb. I'm going to write about my family, knowing that they will probably be reading this. Not my immediate family, actually, but cousins and in-laws and such.
I went to a wedding this weekend and had a chance to see some cousins whom I haven't seen in at least 2 decades. Some came from out of town, and discovered our magazines - West End's Best and Chesterfield Living - and subsquently my daily ramblings. "You ought to write about the wedding," one of the cousins suggested.
Yeah, right. Everyone knows I ridicule just about everything. So, do I write some nice little folksy column and talk about how wonderful everything was and how great everyone was? Yawn. Or do I do what I normally do and lie, fabricate, falsify and exaggerate? I hate to admit that's what I do. It's kinda like a magician doing a trick and then showing you how he did it. The truth is what I write isn't 100% accurate. I do tend to make up a few things for added effect.
So, as I write about the wedding, some of it's true, some of it is exaggeration. I only say this provide myself with an escape hatch should I really tick somebody in the family off.
First of all the wedding itself was very nice. Ken Thers and his staff at the Place in Innsbrook do a great job. The food was wonderful. Although when I first went in, I ate what I thought was an appetizer, and it was horrible. Later I learned it was some sort of bird seed to be thrown at the bride and groom.
But, the meal was exceptional. I wanted to go back for seconds, but the trouble with being a fat man is that everyone expects you to go back for seconds. I think that secretly they're watching to see how many helpings you have so they can say, "No wonder he's a slob, look at how much he eats." As far as buffets go, my philosophy is to lose the plate after the first trip and just stand around the buffet line picking at food with your fingers. Of course, that philosophy has gotten me banned for life from Golden Corral. Can you imagine how disgusting one must be to get such a sanction at the Golden Corral? I certainly can.
Now, enough about the food, let's talk about my cousins. What surprised me is that everyone else has gotten so old, while I have remained impressively youthful looking. I chided a few of them by noting that I remembered when they were younger than me. I think they appreciated my sparkling wit, although, due, probably to being tired from traveling, they failed to laugh. The sad thing is that not only have they gone down hill physically, but, I'm reluctant to say, also mentally. For instance, I heard one cousin say to another, "Look how old Steve is looking." Poor things.
I will say the bride was beautiful (a cousin's daughter) and her husband was a nice looking guy. That's good. I always hate to see a pretty bride marry an ugly guy. My feeling is that ugly guys just don't deserve that. And, even worse is when a good looking guy marries an ugly woman. I have to wonder just how low their self-esteem must be.
The wedding service was a little strange. Or maybe, I'm just not in tune with the times. First of all, the officiant, as I believe the official term is, was so impersonal. He slipped when reciting the vows and called the groom "fill-in-the-blank." I think the guy really wanted to be a poet. He used such flowery terms, calling the wedding day an unreality, I think. He said it was really a glimpse into the future. And he also spoke about flying away on wings of love, or something equally inane. I'm wondering if he was on something, if you know what I'm trying to say.
One more thing I liked about the reception is that it was a cash bar rather than an open bar. I say if you're going to make a fool of yourself, you ought to do it on your own dime, and not the bride and groom's. For the most part, my family controlled themselves as far as the old John Barleycorn is concerned. Although the husband of one cousin, did have to crawl to the door to say good-bye when I left. But, at least he was friendly.
All in all, it was very nice seeing my family. Even though their faces have been weathered with time, they're still my cousins. I love my family. I wouldn't want my daughter to marry any of them, but I love them still the same.