A Crappy Idea

I have to tell you that I really don't want to die, but now that I've seen everything, I guess death must be near. And, yes, as of this morning, I have now seen everything. The final piece fell into place today when I saw the latest from Mattel Toys. You, may have already heard about this. But, since you're still alive, you probably haven't seen it.
It is the latest Barbie innovation. Barbie's dog, Tanner, poops. It's the latest - Barbie's Fun With Feces Set. I heard about it, but didn't believe it, so I went to Barbie.com and lo and behold I saw a little Barbie video and sure enough, Tanner was pooping.
I wonder what people in third world countries would think if they knew that in America poop was a plaything. Barbie has never been a great toy for teaching kids the realities of life, but this hits a new low. If little girls grow up thinking poop is an odorless, messless, plastic lump, they're in for a rude awakening.
If the poop idea proves successful, and if I live long enough to create this, I have some great ideas for further Barbie adventures. I think Mattel should start a Barbie's Little Litigator Series. Perhaps Ken could become a lawyer and Barbie could sue Cracker Barrel when she finds a rodent (of the plastic variety) in her soup. Or maybe Barbie could find a plastic finger in her plastic ice cream cone, and, to prove damages, go into a plastic court and spew plastic vomit.
The plastic possibilities are endless. How about a G.I. Joe that gets decapitated by terrorists? The kids should love that and, when you think about it, by making terrorism a game, it could help kids better cope with life in the real world, at least, that is, until they go out into the real world.
Although Walt Disney made a fortune out of it, I think there are some things you just can't plasticize. Well, you can plasticize them, but it's probably not a good idea. Just as a small example, think about Tanner's synthetic bowel movement. Are you thinking? What happens when little Suzie sees real dog poop. "Oooh, this is much bigger than Tanner's," she squeals with delight. "Oooh, this is much softer than Tanner's," she discovers as she reaches down to pick it up. "Oooh this stuff smells like...well, you get the picture.
True, kids love to play make believe. It's fun to pretend, but shoveling dog droppings just doesn't seem like the stuff fantasies are made of. Why can't kids just go back to the way it was when I was growing up - you know, when we'd have fun "killing" one another.