Hi. Did you miss me? Don't you hate it when someone asks you that question? What are you supposed to say, "Oh, have you been gone?" I hope so, because that's what I always say. Anyway, I just returned from a fabulous vacation in Florida. I would have written sooner, but my laptop was on vacation as well - actually in the shop.
I went eight days without even touching a computer. And, you know what? I loved it.
But, anyway I'm back. I don't know where to start. So many ideas hit me while I was gone, but without a computer, I wasn't able to write them down. Didn't we used to keep little sticks in our pocket that produced a colored liquid that you could use to write on paper? I vaguely remember having one of those one time, long ago.
Anyway, I'd love to tell you about the exceptional service we received from Avis Rent a Car. Unfortuantately, their new slogan is We Hardly Try. So, there isn't much to tell. I could tell you about my battle with swimmer's ear but that might only disgust you. It sure did my wife, who looked in my ear and shreiked that there must be a small animal growing near my brain. I did spend the entire week responding, Huh?" to any and all questions asked me. I could tell you about all the new attractions at the Orlando theme parks. However we didn't visit even one. That's right...a whole week in Orlando and no Disney. Personally, I'd feel better if Mickey Mouse just held a gun on me when I entered the park and demanded all my money, rather than charging me fifteen bucks for a hot dog and a drink.
I would love to regale you with exciting stories about how I spent my summer (make that fall) vacation, but all I did was lie by the pool. Oh, I did finish my first book. I'd been working on it for quite some time. I'm delighted to have finished it. Maybe next year I'll read another one.
The book, a novel by Dean Koontz, contained about six pages of quotes from various book reviewers around the country. Have you ever noticed how book reviewers all use the same cliches? "It was a real page-turner." "I couldn't put it down." "(Insert author's name here) is a master at his/her craft."
I think book reviewers must be, for the most part, frustrated writers...people who think if they write a sparkling review, the author will take notice of him (or her) and take him (or her) under his (or her) wing. When you read the reviews you can see why the reviewers are not published authors. They can't even write decent reviews.
I hate cliches. My father used to tell me to avoid cliches like the plague, and I've tried to follow his advice.
I would like to try my hand at writing a review. Tell me what you think....Dean Koontz writes pretty good. I really liked the story except for the boring parts. He does tend to use too many big words. But, other than that I like the book. It was nice. The cover was pretty, too. I wouldn't mind reading another one of his novels, if someone gave it to me as a gift.
Now, that's a review you just don't see every day. But, personally, I like it. It has enough zing to get you to go buy the book. Oh yeah, the name of the book is Sole Survivor...just in case you're zinged.
I had a lot of other cool stuff to tell you, but this is the first time I've typed in a week and my hand is getting tired. Oh yeah, one word of advice...if you're over fifty, don't go bowling. It's too hard on the hands. I took my wife's nephew bowling while on vacation and I still can't move my fingers. There ought to be some sort of warning that comes on the bowling balls.
I was saying, before I so rudely interrupted myself, that I had other things I wanted to talk about. I made an interesting self-discovery (and it has nothing to do with the folds of my flesh) while on vacation. I'll share that with you tomorrow, unless I forget all about it, or change my mind. Anyway, it's nice to be back. Kind of.
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