You Know What I Hate? Now, That's a Stupid Question

You know what I hate? Apparently, just about everything anymore. I realize I have become a grumpy old man. It’s not just an act. I really have a sour disposition. The funny thing is (not ha ha funny), I was that way as a child, then at about thirty I became exceptionally pleasant. But now, I’m back to being grumpy.
But, anyway, I was going to share with you some of the things that really get under my skin. One thing I truly loathe is when someone, a workmate, a family member, whomever, asks me, “Are you in a bad mood today?”
I wasn’t until you asked that stupid question. You know, even if I am in a bad mood…no, make that especially if I’m in a bad mood, why ask the question? Unless you really just want to pick a fight.
And speaking of stupid questions, I hate it when someone condescendingly says, “There’s no such thing as a stupid question.” Yeah, right. I hear stupid questions every day. I ask stupid questions every day. I like to tell people, “There’s no such thing as a stupid question, just stupid people who ask questions.” The people I say that to usually just smile and thank me. You see what I mean about stupid?
Another question I hate is, “Mind if I sit here?” Unless they’re referring to my lap, what business is it of mine where they sit? And, on a related note, if I’m going to sit down at a lunch counter (sometimes pronounced bar), and I ask the person sitting next to an empty stool, “Is anyone sitting here?” please understand that obviously I don’t mean is there an invisible patron sitting on this stool right now. I’m trying to ascertain if, perhaps, someone is sitting there, but had to go to the men’s room or whatever. And one more thing, if I ask you that question, don’t say, “You are.” It’s not funny anymore. Okay?
Something else I hate to be asked by a waiter or waitress is, “Smoking preference?” I usually reply, “Marlboro.” That’s just a joke. I don’t really smoke (glad I cleared that up). But, hey, just ask, “Smoking or non-smoking?” I don’t consider choosing to sit in the non-smoking section a “smoking preference.” If anything, it’s a non-smoking preference.
Here’s another restaurant related question I hate (if you consider McDonald’s a restaurant, anyway),. When I go through the drive-thru, and order my meal, don’t ask me if I want an apple pie with that. It sounds too desperate. Believe me, if I wanted one of those things you call an apple pie, I’d ask for it. Now, if you ask me if I want to super-size my meal, that I can understand, but what correlation is there between a hamburger and an apple pie.
It reminds me of a job I had, many years ago, at Sears. In training, we were instructed to always try and upsell a customer. If the customer bought a shirt, we’d ask if he’d like a tie to go with that. Or, if he bought a pair of slacks, we’d try and sell him a belt to go with it. It all seemed to make perfect sense.
Then, after training, I was put in a department that sold two items…men’s top hats and men’s underwear. That’s like selling apple pies with hamburgers. “Would you like a nice pair of boxers to go with that hat, sir?”
Now, that’s a stupid question. And even I wasn’t stupid enough to ask that one.