Sleepless (But Well-Entertained) in Richmond

My brain is mush today. I've been awake since about three this morning. Just couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned for a while, before I did the only reasonable thing to do and that was to watch TV. Early, early morning TV is a vast wonderland of treasures from the past and bargains for the present. I saw shows I hadn't seen in years, and, hopefully won't ever see again. William Shatner may be the ultimate Star Trek captain, but as T.J. Hooker, he really stunk up the joint. I had forgotten how really, really bad he was at that. I did stay tuned long enough to watch his famous jumping and riding on the hood sequence, which seemed to be included in every episode.
Then I tuned to Matlock. That's kind of like watching a train wreck. The show was so stupid, but I just can't resist watching it. I think Andy Griffith was born to play Sheriff Taylor. But, other than that, the guy really can't act. He's so bad in Matlock that he does everything but turn to the camera and wave. Plus, the poor guy is fighting a set of loose dentures to the point that I have a hard time understanding what he's saying. Here's the kicker, though, about watching Matlock this morning. I invest an hour, when I should have been sleeping, and then just as it starts to get (relatively) good, they superimpose on the screen the most dreaded words ever seen in episodic TV - TO BE CONTINUED. What? There's no way I'll be awake tomorrow morning at 4:00 AM. I'll never find out what happened.
The most interesting overnight programming, is, of course, the infomercials. They're so informative, and yet so commercial. One thing I wonder is how David Oreck stays in business. This guy must be getting senile. He gives away so many valuable gifts when you order his vacuum cleaner. He can't be making a profit. He even pays the shipping and handling. What a decent straight-up kind of guy.
I flipped past, and no, I didn't linger, the Girls Gone Wild infomercial. Every girl looked like Natalee Holloway. I do have to wonder how much influence that sort of filth has on young girls (and guys, for that matter). It's made to look so exciting to act like a tramp. I would think rape and murder would take some of the glamour out of that sort of lifestyle.
I also saw an infomercial for something called Phase 4, I think. It's a shoe insert that helps you walk straight, but it does everything else too, from stopping the pain of arthritis to curing the common cold. The producers had this RV they were driving around the country talking to people whom they met along the way who also had these inserts in their shoes. It looked like the 2005 Great U.S.A. Hypochondriac Tour. But, anyway, these people all swore by their inserts. One guy put them in his shoes and within 45 minutes, he had come out of a coma in which he had lingered for the past six years.
I also saw this amazing product called the Swivel Mop or something like that. This thing is going to put David Oreck out of business, if his generous spirit doesn't do it first. This Swivel Mop picks up everything from cracker crumbs to thumb tacks to dead bodies. I have to wonder, do they put these infomercials on overnight because that's when the price of air-time is the least expensive, or because insomniacs are the most gullible of all humans. I'm not sure.
What I am sure of is that within a couple of weeks, I'm going to be receiving some great items in the mail, including those shoe inserts, a couple of swivel mops, and a bunch of some really great free stuff from David Oreck, and, oh yeah, one fantastic vacuum cleaner.