Gee Whizzinator

I've done columns in our magazines on things I hate, and I admit that there are any number of things which really irritate me. But, I've recently discovered something I really hate, and yet, never in a million years would I have ever guessed that this "thing" even existed. If I were to work on a comprehensive list of things I hate, this particular item would never have been listed, because I don't think any relatively decent human could have ever thought such a thing up.
But, someone did. I really think I've lived too long, when I see advertisements for a device called the Whizzinator. Without going into detail, the Whizzinator is designed to allow steroid/drug-filled men to pass a SUPERVISED urine test. Need I say more. If the answer to that is yes, just go to the website, you can figure it out.
There are even testimonials at the website including one by a Robin B. in Virginia, who said: "I have to test while being observed, and not only was it undetectable, but I passed with flying colors. This product is AMAZING!! Thanks again!!"
I guess people flaunt the law all the time, but I think this is taking flaunting to new heights. Tell me, would you have ever thought up the possibility of mixing warm water with dried urine? Would you have ever come up with the idea for a prosthetic that could dispense such?
The thing that really makes me mad is that, from now on, whenever i write about things I hate, the things I hate will be so far below this thing, that it'll be hard to get really riled. The Whizzinator takes disgusting to such a new level that previously disgusting things will be only mildly annoying by comparison. And, where's the humor in writing about things that mildly annoy you?
As far as I'm concerned, the Whizzinator may allow athletes to continue doing their job, but it's making it difficult for me to do mine. As long as such things as the Whizzinator exist in the world, there is no humor. I can't even make jokes about it, because then I'd be as disgusting as it is.
So, thanks to the Whizzinator, I can never be funny again. So, the next time you read my column and think, wow, that wasn't funny at all, just know that it's all because of the Whizzinator.