It's Somewhat About Me

I'm going to talk about one of my favorite subjects today...myself. True, I'm not accustomed to talking about me, but when I do it, I always feel good. I'm particularly thinking about my weight. I'm continuing to lose. I have now gone from what is technically designated "Grossly Pig-Like" down to "Big Fat Slob." Pretty cool, huh? Another twenty-two pounds and I'll be down to what I swore I would never get up to. And, at that point, I'll just be fat. I can't wait to just be fat.
Of course, I'm not stopping there. As you know, there's my book I'm working on - From Chunk to Hunk. Can someone who is racing headlong towards sixty be considered a hunk? I hope so. I've always wanted to be one.
I would love to recapture my youth. I look at my liver spots and think how wonderful it would be to just have acne again. How I long for those days.
In the next issue of West End's Best magazine, we're doing a story on my high school graduating class of 1967. They (we) just had our 40th anniversary reunion. I didn't go, but a friend, Sherry Hollister, took my place, interviewing many of the graduates and asking them about their hopes and dreams and the realities of life. She's written a very interesting article. Even if you weren't in that class, I think you'll enjoy reading it.
But, what amazes me is how so many of my classmates have actually become old in the past forty years. Sadly, many have started experiencing a degree of dementia as well. I know this, because some of them think I look old too. Poor things. It's so sad when your eyesight goes, and then your mind. When you think about it, wouldn't it be nicer if your mind went first, so as you were wandering aimlessly, you could at least enjoy the scenery?
Speaking of getting old...that is what we were talking about, isn't it...a friend sent me a list of benefits of being over 50. Some of these were very good, so, I thought I'd share a few. Among the perks of being over 50 there are:

1. Kidnappers are not very  interested in you.
 
2. In a hostage situation you  are likely to be
released first.
 
3. People no longer view you  as a hypochondriac.
 
4. There is nothing left to  learn the hard way.
 
5. Things you buy now won't  wear out.
 
6. You can eat supper at 4  PM.

AND HERE'S THE ONE THAT IS SO TRUE:

7. You quit trying to hold  your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

Of course, within weeks, I won't need to try. I'll be thin. I'll be cute, maybe even cute as a button. Don't worry. I'll be sure to let you know when I reach that point.