Let us Prey

It is with much shame and humiliation that I've come here today to admit that my computer is a faithless piece of trash. The cold, hard truth, with which I've been forced to come face to face, is that my computer is an atheist.
I have seen the light from the glow of my monitor, but that light only led me to the harsh truths I stand before ye today and speak of with such meekness. Can I get an amen here, please?
Thanks
You see, I was doing some research on my Darwinian PC. I wanted to know more about a news story that had appeared on the Fox News Network on Monday night, about this church in California where images of Jesus, Mary, and a host of other Biblical characters keep appearing on the walls. The holy pastor, Wynona something or other, admitted she was a little skeptical when she first was told of these miraculous images. But then when people started paying to come see 'em, she became a believer.
What a blessed woman, she. And, I know she must be telling the truth about these images. Think about it. If a lady of God says there are images appearing in the water stains and on the dirty vents of her church, who am I to be so lacking in faith to question her. I wanted to see. I wanted to have my life altered as have countless others who have seen one or more of these images. I've been hoping for a raise at work. Maybe catching sight of the image would be just what the doctor ordered to rustle me up a nice raise. And, I feel confident that with said raise, I'd be more willing to go out and help the poor.
But, no, not gonna happen. My PC, who I now refer to as Ol' Beelzebub, wouldn't show me even one miraculous image. Oh sure. I saw water stains. I did think that maybe I saw Alvin of the Chipmunks in one stain. And, he does sing that wonderful Christmas hymn about the hula hoop. So, maybe I'm being too hard on the monitor. But, hey, I wanted to see a real honest to goodness Jesus and Mary image.
The pastor lady says they've even had images of Moses and Peter show up from time to time. My problem there is that even if my computer hadn't renounced all belief in God, I probably couldn't tell which one was Peter and which one was Moses. In all of the photographs I've seen of the two gentlemen, they look so much alike.
But it's a mute point (that is a point no one can speak about). It's all academic now, because, as I say, the best image I got was of a rodent.
But that's not the worst of it. I thought well maybe my eyes are bad. Maybe these images were showing up but it was due to my eyes (or lack of faith) that I wasn't seeing Jesus. And, heaven knows, I really was hoping to see him.
But, again, I stand before ye brethern and tell you that it wasn't me. It was this heathen Dell computer.
You see, even though I couldn't see the images, I did see that this church has a website (bless their bytes)for people to go see more of the images. The website is miraclewall.org. So, I typed the url in to my address box and do you know what happened? Do you want to know what happened? YOu're not going to believe it. Nothing happened. No website even came up. I guess that's proof enough that my computer is of low moral character.
I know, I know...some of you doubt. You say, "Steve, it's all a hoax." But, I say, "A hoax? Would a church do something like that? And you say, "But Steve, would God really waste time playing pictionary with a bunch of nuts?" And I say, "You tell me."
Anyway, here I sit, weeping openly. All I asked for was a glimpse of miracle wall, and all I got was this error message. My computer must die! As soon as I can afford a new one.
Well, so much for the computer. I have better things to do. My neighbor has a chihuahua who can bark How Great Thou Art, and I don't want to miss tonight's performance. I may just get that raise after all.