The Poet's Corner

I’m getting myself some culture. Or, at least I’m trying to. I’ve decided to become a Haiku poet. I’ve always been kinda put off by the idea because I figured it was just too Japanese for me to comprehend.
And, I admit, I still don’t fully understand it. But, I’ve been reading some of this Haiku stuff and it would appear that writing it is as easy as falling off a log. In fact, that might be a Haiku line right there.
Now, if you’re not a devotee of the art, you might appreciate a little refresher course on just what Haiku is. So here goes:
It’s one of the most ancient forms of poetry. Basically it’s a poem with seventeen syllables, arranged in three lines – five syllables in the first and third lines and seven in the middle line.
Also, Haiku is supposed to allude to a season. You don’t come right out and say the season. That would spoil it all. You just infer.
And, one more thing, it doesn’t rhyme. That’s always been the biggest off-putter for me. Poetry that don’t rhyme ain’t really poetry, I always say. But, evidently really smart people know that good poetry isn’t supposed to rhyme.
Also really smart people get their thrills, evidently, from this Haiku stuff. I was reading about Haiku on this one Internet site, lit.org. And, they were raving about this particular piece of Haiku. Here’s what they said:

The poet's “Napalm Memories” is an excellent Haiku with a depth of meaning that transcends the words. It is well worth the read, it is multilayered in its meaning, and an excellent example of haiku at its best.

Okay, you had me at multilayered. I’m anxious to read this Haiku thing. So, I click on the title and here’s what I read:

aces over eights
a slow walk in the jungle
tears fire and rain

Yep, that’s it. I thought my Internet connection had frozen up on me. Where are those multilayers? And, by the way, that napalm memories stuff ended with “tears fire and rain.” That’s only four syllables unless you’re from the deep South, then it’s about ten syllables. I think this Haiku writer was cheating.
Anyway, I’ve decided to try my hand. The only problem is that I haven’t written any poetry since the third grade. Back in those days, I considered it high humor if I mentioned underwear in my poems. And, I guess I kind of got stuck in a pattern. Now, it’s impossible for me to write poetry without mentioning underwear. But, anyway. I’m going to try my hand at this Haiku thing.

Fire storms ablazing
And here I fear for my life
Boxers on the ground

The firestorms refer to summer. I think. And the underwear inclusion is somewhat subtle. I think it has a nice ring to it. But, I’d appreciate your input. Here’s another of my original works:

Cold poem don’t you rhyme
But it’s a poem anyway
At least I have briefs

Did you catch the multilayered inferrences? It’s a “cold poem,” so it’s winter. Get it?
And, since I have a poem that doesn’t rhyme, I, the poet, feel somewhat naked, but, at least, I have my underwear on.
Of course, you may have your own interpretation. I just broke one of the cardinal rules of Haiku. Don’t try and explain it to the reader. Let him or her bask in the glory of his or her own interpretation.
Well, I’m going to leave you with what I consider my best work to date. But don’t worry, I’m sure I have more Haiku in me. Enjoy.

Cold and flu season
Buzzard bites at my big neck
My shorts are too tight

Watch Out! This Little Prick Might Hurt

You know, we really do live in a mixed-up world. In other words, as the old saying goes, "Everyone here is crazy except me and you, and I'm not so sure about you." Have you heard about this execution by lethal injection being postponed out in California. Now, first of all, just about anything that goes on in California is going to be filed under the "Strange" department.
But this story is just plain ludicrous. There's this murderer out there by the name of Michael Morales. Morales has been sentenced to die. In fact, he was supposed to have been put to death last night. But, nooooo. Morales is still breathing and we have the lawyers to thank.
Morales' lawyers are concerned about the possibility that their client might feel a little pain when he's injected with the lethal doses that will kill him. Let me make it clear that I'm not in favor of intentionally inflicting pain. You know, I'm not suggesting that this rapist's body parts be put in a vise and that the vise be slowly turned so as to deliberately cause undue suffering, in a somewhat slow and excruciating manner.
Such a thought would never even occur to me. What do you think I am, a sadist or masochist or whatever the correct term would be?
But, hey, if the guy's only a moment or so away from death, I really don't care too much if he feels a tad bit of pain. I feel pain every morning just climbing out of bed. Besides, we're not talking about some poor little fellow who has spent his entire life seeking to alleviate the pain of others.
Besides raping his victim, Morales also was accused (and found guilty) of murdering a teenage girl, back in 1981, by trying to strangle her and then beating her with a hammer and stabbing her. How dare Mr. Morales' lawyers waste the court's time by charging the government with cruel and unusual punishment.
I'm sure those attorneys are patting themselves and each other on the back this morning. They succeeeded in at least delaying the execution. Seems the anaestheseiologists, who were charged with certifying that poor Mr. Morales would be unconscious before he was painfully injected with lethal poisons, couldn't understand exactly how unconscious the guy had to be, so they walked.
You know, if the lawyers and their client are all that worried that the poor torturer of a teenage girl will have a moment of suffering before he buys the farm, why don't those guys in the penal system just offer to shoot him in the head as he walks towards the death chamber? It's quick, probably painless (I've never been shot in the head, so I'm not an authority). That should make everyone happy. Shouldn't it?
I admit I haven't thought this out completely. Why should I start doing something like that at this late date? But, on the surface, I don't see any problems with it. Besides, think of all the taxpayer money that will be saved.
You do agree with me, don't you? Or am I really the only sane one left?