The New Improved Organic Steve

Well, let me begin by saying how great it is to be back. I've been away for the past month or so for some special schooling. The school is a division of Ohio State. It's called the Cincinnati Remedial Academic Program...better known as, well, that's not important. Anyway, I took part in an intensive 4-week course designed to help students better understand how to use the word, "Organic."
I have to admit, I'm still pretty confused, but not nearly as confused as I was a month ago when my wife brought home a special box of organic cereal she had bought at the health food store. Back then, in my unenlightened days, as I'm wont to call them, back then I have to admit I was a little upset that she spent $12.95 for a box of cereal.
Imagine my chagrin now. Now that I have a deeper appreciation for "organic," that is. Back in the old days, using my own limited understanding, the only thing "organic" meant to me is that it must have to do with one organ or another. Ha Ha. I laugh at myself...my old self, that is.
The new Steve is enlightened. I see things as a whole much more clearly. I guess you could say my thinking has become more organic. I now, seeing the whole picture, can understand why thirteen bucks for a box of cereal is a sweetheart of a deal. I can now enjoy that cereal much better knowing that before I ate it, it had been smothered in chicken manure. I think about that with every bite. I smack my lips and say, "thank you," to my wife. She's begun to call me "organic breath" as a term of endearment. So that school thing is a win-win all the way around.
And, I'm only beginning to reap the rewards of my education. Actually, you are just beginning to reap the rewards of my education. In the months to come, I think you'll be seeing me use the word, "organic" much more frequently. For instance, when reading a column I've written about architecture, I'll sneak the word in. "Huh?" you're probably saying right now. I don't blame you. But, let me make you feel better by telling you that your confusion only stems from the fact that you're still very ignorant. There, do you feel better now?
You see, organic can also mean (and I'm quoting here, from my textbook, which came free with the three thousand dollar course), noting or pertaining to any work of architecture regarded as analogous to plant or animal forms in having a structure and a plan that fulfill perfectly the functional requirements for the building and that form in themselves an intellectually lucid, integrated whole.
It's so clear now. How could I have been so unenlightened? I feel like a real boob. And, by that, I mean a stupid or foolish person, a dolt.
I could continue to regale you with ways in which my "organic" education will benefit you in weeks to come. For instance, in one of my upcoming columns on fine art, a subject I thought I was already somewhat of an expert on, I'll be using "organic." When I do so, of course, I'll mean, something pertaining to the shapes or forms in a work of art that are of irregular contour and seem to resemble or suggest forms found in nature. From now on, thanks to my education, if I see a big blob of paint on a canvas, I'll know it's organic. Because it almost has to resemble something in nature, if nothing more than a cloud. Because, you see, clouds are a part of nature. I want to make sure you understand that, because it took me about three days to really let that fact sink in. I'd have to say some in the class picked up on that much more rapidly.
For some reason, the only thing I could think of in nature was a monkey. I kept telling the professor, "but that doesn't look like a monkey," and he kept looking at me as if I were some sort of dolt, that is a dull stupid person, a blockhead, a boob, as it were.
Anyway, I come back to you a much wiser man than I was a month ago. I'm so wise now that I'll think nothing of spending twenty bucks on a box of organic cereal. In fact, I picked up a box this morning. It's delicious and, according to the box, it's lightly sweetened with pure chicken manure.