The Old and the Listless

Someone recently told me that my life had been like a soap opera. If they were trying to cheer me up, they failed miserably. I didn't exactly take that as a positive assessment of the direction my life has gone in.
But, it did give me pause for thought. And, you know what? Only minimally is my life like a soap opera. For one thing, there are no commercial interruptions and I never hear organ music. But, that's not the main differences between my life and that of most soap opera characters.
Admittedly, I haven't seen a soap opera in many years. I did catch about five minutes of one while on vacation a year or so back and the story involved a midget and a witch, I think. I don't have any midgets or witches in my life, but, again, that's not a major difference.
There are three primary ways that my life has not taken the same path as that of almost every character on the soaps.
First, I don't have an evil twin, from whom I was separated at birth. Or, at least, if I do, I haven't met him yet. What would be a real bummer would be to eventually find out that such a twin really did exist, and he was having all the fun that I should have had. In reflecting on this, I don't think I know any truly evil twins. I know some miserable ones, unpleasant to be around, but not really evil.
The second difference between me and soap opera folk is that I've never attended my own funeral. That would be neat. But, I've never been presumed dead, which is not the same as being presumed lifeless. My wife accuses me of that regularly. I've often fantasized about what people would do at my funeral, but then it dawns on me that if it means I have to truly be dead, it isn't much of a fantasy.
The third major difference is that I have never either kidnapped a romantic interest of mine, or been kidnapped by such. I did build a cage in my basement just in case the situation should ever arise, but, alas, it never did. On the soap operas, it's one of the most popular ways of saying, "I love you and I couldn't stand it if you ever left." The closest I've ever come to doing something drastic to proclaim my love was send flowers. And, somehow that just doesn't seem to capture the magic of a good kidnapping.
So, while my life has had its ups and downs, I really don't think it's been like a soap opera. Of course, there was that horrible time when...Well, tune in tomorrow and I'll tell you.