Wednesday, January 18, 2006

The God, The Bad, And The Ugly

If I were a professional wrestling promoter, I think I could come up with some great matches, and some great angles. For instance, just think about a tag team competition with George Bush, the dad, and George Bush, the son going up against Bill and Hillary Clinton. Sounds exciting, huh? But, wait. I have a great angle for this.
In the middle of the match, after Hillary has whupped up on both the Bushes, she tries to tag out to Bill, but Bill is so busy ogling the ladies in the crowd, that he isn't paying attention. As Hillary is looking at him with disgust, Bush, the younger is regaining his strength. He gets up and drop kicks Hillary into Bill and both hubby and wife topple onto the concrete floor. Both Clintons are down, and the Georges are looking poised for a win. George, Jr. goes down to the floor and is beating on Bill and Hillary. He throws Bill back into the ring, and jumps back in for the pin and win.
But, remember this is pro wrestling. There's always a hook. And here's mine. Just as the referee is about to bring his hand down for the third count, Bush, Sr. pulls his son off, stomps him into the mat, and then takes the prone body of Bill Clinton, who's totally knocked out, mind you, and puts him on top of George, Jr. The referee has missed all this for whatever reason. He turns around, sees Clinton on top of Bush and counts Bush out. The Clintons get the win, and George Bush, the older is celebrating with them in the middle of the ring. Wow! What a finish.
But, that's just the first match for the night. Here's my idea for the main event. It would be a handicap match, because one of the participants is in a constant state of dementia.
But, anyway, the big event of the night could be one of the most interesting tag team events ever. Here's the premise. In one corner, you have Pat "the Moron" Robertson. Although he would be unseen, God would be his partner. At least that would be Robertson's claim. In the other corner, you'd have New Orleans mayor, Ray "The Idiot" Nagin, and in his corner...yes, you may have already guessed it, would also be God.
Both men evidently feel they can speak for God. Let them get in the ring, duke it out, and see if God comes to the aid of either wrestler. Of course, I'm talking pro-wrestling here, but since pro-wrestling is really a microcosm of the real world, I'd think both Roberson and Nagin would be shocked to learn that they're fighting alone. By the way, I have no idea what this word "microcosm" really means, but I had a little bet with myself that I could use it today. And I did. So, I won my bet.
Back to the ring action. I see Robertson holding his own against Nagin for the first fifteen minutes or so. Both men are bloody as they go blow for blow. For theatrics, on several occasions, both go to their corner and try and tag out, but never does either guy's god jump into the fray.
As the audience boos Robertson, he could call down evil upon them, but gradually it dawns on him that he's alone. Nothing ever dawns on Nagin as he's totally oblivious. As for the conclusion, here's how I have it figured out. Robertson's age catches up with him. He keeps getting up, but Nagin keeps beating him back down.
But, just when it looks like he's down for the long count, Pat Robertson finds renewed energy. He turns to the one thing that he's always turned to in times of trouble. He does the one thing that has kept him going through all the years. Yes, once again, you're probably way ahead of me on this. Just as Robertson looks to be out, he pulls himself up, crawls out of the ring, and in true Pat Robertson form, he goes into the crowd and passes the plate.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Exactly.

But then, just as wrestling is fake, so is thier feud. They are actaully all on the same side, while the specators are on the other, getting gypped.

It's more like this: Robertson is on Bill and George's backs, as if in a chicken fight, but then Bill and George throw him down and clobber him. Then an F5 tornado rips through the arena and brings the whole thing down...

On a different note, both Bush senior and junior, along with Clinton were/are part of the Skulls, a secret fraternity with pseudo-occult trappings. And it's no secret they are buddy-buddy. And really each of thier respective reigns has been essentially the same agenda, only with each succeeding one going from bad to worse to worse than worse.

Steve Cook said...

Are you suggesting that pro wrestling is fake? That's the most ludicrous thing I have ever heard. NASCAR is fake. Baseball is fake, but wrestling??? Ha, I laugh in your face. (now when I turn around, you drop kick me to the floor. then i'll stomp you a few times. Oh yeah, try and get my mask off, but only get it up over my chin. Don't take it all the way off. Wait for the big PPV for that.)