It Just Doesn't Get Any Worse Than This

I think I saw a television program this morning that I'd never seen before. I say "think" because it was so horridly bad, that I'm also thinking I may have dreamed this show up. In fact, before I go any further, I'm going do a little research. If I started telling you about the program (if it's not just a very bad dream), and you've never seen it, there's no way you're going to believe me.
I'm back. And, guess what folks! It really is a TV show.
It's one of those courtroom shows, and it's called An Eye for An Eye. It stars this lawyer from Charleston, Akim Anastopoulo. He's Judge "Extreme Akim." He carries a baseball bat with the word "justice" written on it. He didn't actually use the bat while I was watching, but true justice would be taking the bat and putting everyone connected with the show out of my misery.
And do you know who's connected with the show? This is the part I thought sure I was dreaming...none other than Kato Kaelin. Yep, that Kato Kaelin. Kaelin is playing the Doug Llewelyn role, only while the judge is out deliberating, Kato is stirring up the courtroom, allowing the idiots in the audience to interrogate the plaintiffs and defendants.
Then when the judge re-enters the courtroom, everyone stands and chants, "Extreme Akim, Extreme Akim..." If Judge Wapner were dead, he'd be rolling over in his grave. And, if he saw the episode I saw today, he very well could be dead by now.
The case involved a video of a baby or was it a porn video? That never was clear. Both the plaintiffs and defendants, married couples, looked rather smarmy, and it was clear both couples were auditioning for something bigger.
One couple evidently destroyed the other's TV set. If An Eye For An Eye had been on at the time of the altercation, I'm sure any real judge would have viewed it as a mercy killing. But this Judge Extreme Akim orders the one smarmy couple to pay the other smarmy couple. He doesn't just make a monetary award. Evidently, on this show, the judge comes up with some cutesy form of retribution for each loser.
Through the use of a rather stupid inuendo, Extreme orders one couple to enter a calf-roping contest in order to win the money to pay the damages. That's when the real hilarity begins.
The final portion of the program shows the defendants preparing for the calf roping. Seems Kaelin has a rodeo friend, probably his new roommate. Anyway, this rodeo friend is supposed to train the couple to rope a calf. I didn't see all of this. I had to excuse myself to go throw up.
When I come back, both couples are going to enter the contest, and then the next time I get back to the TV, the two couples are riding little stick horses around the rodeo arena, terrorizing little calves. Where's PETA when you need them?
I didn't see the (no doubt) thrilling end, so I don't know who roped what. What I do know is that this has to be the absolutely dumbest, most inane TV program in the history of the medium, and that's saying a a lot.
An Eye For An Eye should be taken to some sort of court and forced to pay damages. The only retribution that could come close to being adequate, is to tie Akim and Kaelin together, along with "Sugar Ray," some former boxer in the baliff role, and force them to watch every episode of What's Happening, oh yeah, and,a Celine Dion video.