A Heroin-Free Column That Won't Cost You $18,000 (Sorry it's the best title I could come up with)

Good morning Americans! Stand by for my totally warped opinions which I'll try to pass off as news.
First story comes from Roanoke (Virginia): I think WSLS, the NBC afilliate in the Star City, has come up with a masterful plan. TV stations are so competitive these days when it comes to their meteorologists. Each station wants to proclaim that their weather guessers are more accurate than the other guys. They keep adding dopplers and radars and all the fancy stuff to prove how accurately they can tell you whether it's going to rain or snow or whatever.
In actuality, none of these weather people do all that great a job. They're almost perfect at giving you the current temperature and wind speed, and they can calculate that wind chill factor perfectly, although we all know wind chill is a made up thing.
But WSLS is, evidently, tired of playing those little games of who has the best weathermen. If someone accuses their weather guys of getting it wrong, WSLS has the perfect excuse. They can just say, "Yes, you're right, but they do a pretty good job considering they're on heroin."
So far WSLS has two heroin-addicted meterologists, but, who knows, they may find it so effective from a marketing standpoint, that they'll go out and get some more. Before you know it all the stations will be following suit. Rather than spending big bucks on sophisticated equipment, they can spend the small bucks and hire drunks and other chemically-addicted personalities.
I kind of like the possiblities of some rather in-your-face promotional opportunities. Things like, "Okay, we got it wrong again, but our meterologists were being booked on possession charges just minutes before the eleven o'clock news." Or, try this one on for size, "Our meterologist was high on crack last night, but he still was pretty close."
It's a take it or leave it approach. And, as I said, I like it.
On to a totally different story - What's up with Chesterfield County administrator, Lane Ramsey? The guy must have some sort of Superman complex. Here he was, out in Kansas (which is where Smallville is located, by the way), when he gets word that Ed Barber, the chairman of the county's Board of Supervisors had been arrested on child abuse charges.
So, what does Ramsey do? He flies back to town. Trouble is, he couldn't get a commercial flight until the next day, so, at taxpayer's expense, he charters an airplane for $18,000 and heads home.
First of all, what did he think he could he do that was so important that he get had to get back home immediately? Was he planning on busting Barber out of jail? I don't recall anything of monumental importance happening upon Ramsey's return.
Maybe he was just being a good friend, but it seems to me that a reasonably intelligent man, who is holding a $300 ticket (or thereabouts) in his hot little hand for a flight the next day, will stop and think when he's given a quote of $18,000.
It'd be like me going in McDonald's and asking them to really supersize the hamburger, and then they ring up a bill for eight hundred and fifty bucks. Am I really going to think that's not that much difference from my normal five dollar lunch? And, if I'm putting it on the company card, am I really going to think that the boss won't notice that today's bill is just a tad higher?
I don't know what county administrators do, but I hope they don't deal with the financial matters for the county. Ramsey probably hear's reports of the U.S. government spending ten thousand for a toilet seat and says, "Sweet! Where can I find a bargain like that?"
I wonder at what point does a public servant of the citizens begin to think he's so important that he can throw $18,000 away and no one should question him, or that he's so important that he has to be here regardless of the cost. I don't think I'm that important, yet. But I am somewhat impressed with my brilliant observations. So impressed, that I think I'll treat myself and go get the best cup of coffee in town. Can anyone lend me a couple hundred? Never mind, this column is so good, I'll just put it on the company card.