My thinking is that if I can use this space from time to time to rather eloquently present the daily news, perhaps CBS will give Katie the boot, and offer me the news anchor position. Admittedly, I may be mistaken in believing that this could happen. But, I'll not let that possibility dampen my ever-growing enthusiasm that I'm New York City bound. So, with that said, here is my look at the daily news:
The top story in most of the media this morning has to do with some speech President Bush gave last night. All I can say is "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." I wasn't paying that much attention. I think it had to do with illegal irrigation. Hey, who cares? Maybe some farm workers, but that's about all. So, let's deal with stories that you folks are really interested in. Moving forward...
Dateline The Netherlands - Excitement at a zoo in Amsterdam Sunday when several sloth bears chased down a monkey, mauled it and ate it in front of horrified visitors. Word out of Richmond's City Hall confirms that Mayor Governor Doug Wilder will be heading to Amsterdam shortly. Wilder is quoted as saying, "As God is my witness, I'll see to it that those bears get a fair trial." Wilder went on to say that while visitors may have been "tragedized by the tragedy," there is no reason to brand the bears as "wild animals."
When asked to comment on the rash of alligator attacks in Florida over the past week, Wilder stated that unlike bears, alligators are known to have a disposition towards serial killings. "They don't have my sympathy," the mayor-governor said.
The question out of Durham is did the stripper turned alleged rape victim really meet the Forker? Dave Forker Evans who became the third Duke lacrosse team player charged with rape says he is absolutely innocent. Evans, who attended a private academy where he excelled in the sport prior to going to Duke, says he is absolutely innocent of all charges. To prove that he must be innocent he points to the fact that he was polite to the police officers. His mother, Rae Evans, chairperson (shhh, make that chairwoman) of the LPGA board of directors says, "My son is a good boy, and besides that girl is bla...uh, never mind."
Presidential advisor, Karl Rove, said Monday that President Bush's job approval rating is low because of the Iraq war. How did he figure that one out? Gee, I just wish I could be that smart.
That big phone company, BellSouth, said Monday that despite claims to the contrary, it never gave any phone records to the National Security Agency in the NSA's efforts to combat terrorism. Of course the corporation has also stated publicly that it didn't overcharge me for a long distance call in November of 1982, and that a problem I was having must be in my phone and wasn't their responsiblity.
Accuweather chief forecaster, Joe Bastardi (I swear I'm not making that name up) said Monday that three major hurricanes would hit the United States in 2006. Bastardi refused to say exactly when and where the hurricanes would hit. If you ask me, he's not as cooperative as Dave Forker Evans. Maybe someone should check his DNA.
A major shopping mall for Eastern Henrico? Apparently so. Henrico County supervisor, James Donati, made the announcement yesterday. Donati said the huge Short-Pump-Town-Center-like mall would be anchored by a major check cashing service, along with a TV rental giant, and a big-name hair-straightening parlor.
And that's the news. Katie, bar the door because New York, here I come.
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