Just Call Me Steve Cool

I ran into an old school mate today…hadn’t seen him since 1967. He doesn’t look like a teenager anymore, but he didn’t look all that old. That disappoints me. I want to be the youngest looking person in my age group.
When I meet up with someone with whom I went to school, and identify myself, they always ask what basically amounts to the same question: “Steve who?” Today, the question was, “What year were you?”
“Same as you,” I answered. His puzzled look spoke volumes. Trying to put him at ease, I added, “I was recently voted the most unmemorable person to ever attend Hermitage High School.”
“Oh really?” he asked. I got the impression he had no trouble at all believing that. To be honest, I wasn’t voted most unmemorable. I’m not sure that they even give that sort of an award, but truth is, someone would have to remember you to vote for you. So, the fact that I’ve never been voted the most unmemorable, is a good indication that I am.
I’m not throwing myself a pity party here, but I had very few friends in high school. Maybe like zero.
I was a pretty shy sort of guy, although I always found myself to be rather humorous. I think I would have made a good friend. I never stole anyone’s girlfriend. Of course, that wasn’t for lack of trying.
I never really got in any trouble. Maybe that was part of my unpopularity, especially with the girls. Girls always seem to like the bad boys…the troublemakers. I was too afraid to make trouble. I was afraid that if anyone ever scolded me, I’d just break down and cry.
Girls don’t seem to be especially turned on by guys who cry. Believe me, I know.
I probably should have carried a switchblade or something when I was in school. You could in those days. Today, you get expelled for having a plastic butter knife in your pocket. Back when I went to school, I think machine guns were allowed. Although, I never thought to bring one to school.
I should have kept a pack of smokes rolled up in my t-shirt sleeve. I would have, except I didn’t smoke and we weren’t allowed to wear t-shirts, at least not on the outside. We weren’t even allowed to have our shirttails out. That was okay by me. I always dressed neatly in the latest fashions from the Sears Huskies department.
I know some of the uppity kids used to make fun of me because I didn’t wear something called Weejuns, or something like that. I think they were shoes, but it may have been some sort of sweater.
I wouldn’t say I was a total geek, but I do know that when, years later, the movie American Graffiti came out, Richard Dreyfuss’ character wore the exact shirt I wore in high school. And, he seemed kinda geeky.
But, even geeks have a personality and I think I probably didn’t. I just sort of existed. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking…”and he seems so suave and debonair today.” Yep, go figure. I think I’m even well known enough today to be voted most unmemorable. Cool, eh? I’ve come a long way. Now, maybe I can work on my bad boy image. Do bad boys wear trusses?