The Old Man and the Pee

Here's an open letter to everyone under the age of forty from someone over fifty. It ain't that much fun from where I'm at. Sure, you'll hear old folks tell you that life begins at forty. Yeah, right. If you call prying your aching muscles out of bed and standing in front of a mirror and staring at a face that's sagging into the sink a lot of fun, you'll enjoy those golden years.
If you want to spend your remaining years trying to determine if the lump on the left side is matched by a lump on the right side, then buckle your seatbelts because you're in for a thrilling ride.
If you have a crush on your doctor and want more quality time with him/her, you're in luck. And, if providing weekly specimens is fun (and, who knows, some people might like that), is your cup of pee, then, yep, the excitement is still ahead of you. I've been pricked and poked and x-rayed and inspected so many times recently that I feel like a piece of GRADE B meat.
If you think liver spots are just cute, big freckles, then I have some good news for you. And, if you've bought that line that wrinkles add character, I think you're going to be real happy in the coming years.
It's really all in the way you look at it. I choose to look at it in the same way I look at everything else...negatively. I have made it a policy to expect the worst. I'm never really happy, but I'm hardly ever disappointed.
When my doctor told me how bad my health is, I didn't bat an eye, at least no more than I normally do. I'd been expecting it. I'd start an office pool to pick the day I kick the bucket, but since there's no way I could win it..and collect, what's the point?
Now before you start thinking I'm just some pathetic shell of my former self, let me assure you that my former self wasn't all that great either. When people call me a bitter old man, the only thing that is changed is the "old" part.
But that doesn't mean I'm ready to buy the farm. Actually, in spite of what you may think, I'm really quite happy. When I was a teenager, my grandfather, noting my constant dour countenance, asked my mother if I was ever happy. Her reply that I was only happy when I was miserable. I think she was onto something.
So, as you can probably tell, I'm pretty happy these days.