Things That Go Bump In My Brain

I have a mess of random thoughts cluttering up my mind, so I'm not sure just where to begin today. Sometimes my poor little brain gets so filled up with useless thoughts, that I tend to forget the important things. I used to worry that maybe I was on the verge of Alzheimer's. But, I've come up with a theory that makes me feel secure that I'm not.
What I think, and keep in mind that I'm not actually a doctor, but my limited research has led me to the conclusion that only nice people develop Alzheimer's. If you have evidence that refutes this theory, please let me know. But, all the people I've ever known that developed the disease were very nice, kind-hearted individuals.
I've come to the conclusion that the human brain, living in an imperfect world, can't handle an overload of positive thoughts. People who think positively about everything will, sooner or later, develop some sort of brain freeze as a protection against something I like to call "happy thoughts overload."
If I'm on the right track here, then I think I'm virtually guaranteed to be self-protected against mental disease. Almost as soon as I start thinking positive thoughts, my brain's protective mechanism kicks in with negativity. I don't think I've ever gone more than five or ten minutes thinking positive thoughts. That's why I'm so mentally healthy.
It's also healthy for me to use this space to get some of those things that bounce around in my brain out of my head. For instance, I was taking a shower last night and I noticed that my wife had bought a new shampoo and conditioner. I'm always fascinated by the many new gimmicks the cosmetic people keep coming up with. Evidently they know that there are a lot of folks like my wife out there in consumer-land.
Her latest find (my wife's that is) is something called sap moss. Sap moss? I'm thinking two of the more unattractive features of a tree are the sap and the moss. I immediately conjured up in my brain an idea of how something that combined those two ingredients might smell. I was wrong. This stuff smells worse...kind of a very used pair of sweat socks smell.
I'm wondering if the sap is in the tube or if it refers to the persons who'd buy the stuff.
I believe my (lovely) wife would try just about any new product they put out there if it sounded like it contained exotic ingredients. I wouldn't be surprised to find a tube of urinary-tract-infection shampoo on the shelf. Anyway, if you're around Richmond today, and smell an old rotting tree, look around, I just might be nearby.
I had another little experience on the way to work this morning that has left a little dent in my brain. I decided, in order to feel, if not also look, cool, I'd take a little detour and ride the Jamestown Ferry to work...not all the way to work, but across the river anyway.
When I get to the entrance lane to the ferry, this security guy stops me, comes over to my window and says in an extremely thick Russian accent, "Vee are vith zee Department ooof Transportation Security Deevision. Are you fameeleear vith our screening process?"
I wasn't even familiar with the words he was using, but after several "excuse me's" I understood he was telling me that he and his comrades were going to screen my car. "Do you mind?" he asked. I didn't want to find out what he'd do if I did mind, so I said it was fine. And, I really don't mind, but I do wonder why the state of Virginia is using members of the KGB to keep the Jamestown Ferry safe.
I also can't really imagine why terrorists would go to the trouble of takiing the ferry when they could just as easily drive right up to wherever they had a terrorism job, unless, of course, we're dealing with terrorists, who like myself, want to feel, if not also look, cool. Or, maybe they just want a relaxing little boat ride prior to blowing themselves up. Anyway, it's just another thing for me to worry about.
I'm also wondering this morning if there's any intelligent human alive on the planet who gives a darn about Tom and Katie's baby. I like to scan the radio dial while I ride and I must have heard about that baby, Suri, I think is its name, fifty times this morning. Each reporter had to mention (and this is before breakfast, I might add) that the semi-talented, sanity-challenged actor had announced he was going to eat the placenta.
Do we really need to hear stuff like that? I know it's not good for my brain, except, of course, it does help to keep me thinking those healthy negative thoughts.
Speaking of eating, we got a press release here in our office about Maymont Park's "Breakfast with the Animals" promotion for kids. Now, that's just plain sick. You take these kids out to a barn and serve them bacon and eggs with pigs and chickens standing right there, looking on. Who is the marketing guy at Maymont? Jeffrey Dahmer?
I would think something that brutal would traumetize the kids for life, not to mention the impact on the animals. I mean haven't those poor animals suffered enough out there, what with their little bear friends being given permanent naps?
Well, that's just some of the stuff that's weighing on my mind this morning. And I feel so good being able to cleanse myself of these things. I gotta run, but, in closing, I just want to say, "Keep thinking those negative thoughts."