I See Weird People

I have a great idea for a new blockbuster motion picture. Personally, I think it has “hit” written all over it, but I figure it might be good to run it past you all.
My inspiration came from an experience I had last night...a rather chilling experience, I might add. A friend invited me to join him at a local civic or social club. I’m not really sure what these people are, but to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings, I’ll just call it the Goose Club. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t be too interested, but curiosity coupled with the fact that they were having fifty cent hot dog night proved too much a temptation. Off I went.
When I get to the club, and get my guest sticker stuck on me, that’s very important...wearing the sticker at all times, I join my friend at the bar. I take a seat and look around. (Here’s the part where they’ll play some of that really scary-type music, in the movie version of this)
I see the strangest sort of people. If you’ve wondered where all the rednecks have disappeared to, I can tell you. It’s the Goose Club. It’s not that these folks were just a little country-fied, they were strange looking. It was kind of like a cross between Cheers and Deliverance.
My friend pointed out someone else at the bar and told me the guy looked like a caricature of a real person. Except (more scary music), he was a real person. My mind boggled, which can be rather painful. I started to look more closely at the other people at the bar. It’s as if they were all cartoon characters, and grotesque ones at that. I’m serious. The characters in King of the Hill looked more real than did these folks.
It’s as if a Li’l Abner comic strip had come to life. And there they all were...staring at me...me, with the guest sticker. After a rather sudden, and equally brief, panic attack, I calmed down. The music could get softer here. The people seemed friendly enough. One woman seemed particularly friendly to my friend. But, since he’s only in his mid-fifties, and she had to be, oh I’d say, at least twice his age, I don’t think he was especially interested in her.
I was in someone’s home, on business, many years ago. These people lived out on Jeff Davis Highway, in a delightful little trailer. When I went into their living room, I noticed they had two pictures on the wall. The pictures had been, it would seem, torn from a magazine, perhaps, and thumb tacked to the living room wall. There was a picture on each side of the couch. On the left side was Jesus Christ. I recognized him immediately. On the right side of the couch was a picture of Haystack Calhoun. For those who don’t remember Haystack Calhoun, he was a 601 pound wrestler who wore bib overalls, had a wild, wooly beard, and about a handful of teeth left in his mouth.
Last night, I’m thinking that maybe I’m at the Calhoun-family reunion. The only way you could tell the women from the men was the facial hair. The gals had more of it.
I'm thinking of calling my movie “The Hicks Sense.” What do you think?
Now, just so I don’t offend anyone, let me say that the people were very nice, and the bartender, I’ll call him Ed, seemed to realize that he was caring for people who were just a little off-center. I’m thinking that maybe “Ed” is some sort of scientist, maybe even from another planet, who has been sent here to observe earthlings. I’m sure he’ll have some stories to tell when he gets back.
Anyway, I ate me a couple of good fifty cent dogs, wiped the chile and mustard from my face, and told my friend I’d see him later. “Not if I don’t see you first,” he laughed, slapping his knee to add to the hilarity.
I slapped my knee, laughed, and grabbed a toothpick, sticking it in my mouth. As I walked towards the door, I glanced at myself in the mirror. (Horrifying music here). And then it hit me, like a bolt out of the blue. Could it be that I also was one of...Nah. That’s ridiculous.