Mayor Knows Best

I received a beautiful announcement in the mail yesterday. And, being the type of guy I am, I wanted to share it with you, my closest and dearest friends. You know those birth announcements that new parents send out? Well, this is similar.
It was a beautifully engraved off-white card stating, “Mayor Governor Doug Wilder wishes to announce that he has adopted the entire Richmond City Council.” It went on to give the combined weight of the council at the time of adoption, along with a little blurb by the Mayor to the effect that because members of Richmond's city council were just too young and too inexperienced to handle such matters as Shockoe Bottom drainage, he, the mayor, felt it in the best interests of the city and the council members to take the adoption action.
My only regret is that Wilder just doesn’t adopt all city residents. He’s certainly taken it upon himself to be the father figure. If a problem needs correcting, Dad Wilder is there. And, in his own kindly way, he doesn’t want to have council members worry their pretty little heads with such issues.
Shockingly, not all city council members are happy with the adoption. But, I hear from child psychologists, or else my mechanic (I can't remember where I heard it), that some children often resent the ones who try to help them the most. I guess that's the real problem here. And I say kudos to the mayor-governor for his willingness to accept the challenge of raising such an uruly and ungracious bunch.
Being the relentless journalist, whom you know me to be, I attempted to contact several council members to ask them when they’d be moving into the Mayor’s Mansion on Belle Isle. So far, none have contacted me. But, I hear Wilder is putting in a game room for his newly adopted family. Perhaps, with the cares and worries of running a city that virtually runs itself behind them, council members can better spend their time in the mansion’s art studio designing new artist renderings of structures that will never get built. I’d like to suggest that they come up with an idea for a domed baseball stadium that doubles as a performing arts center/slave museum/NASCAR Hall of Fame when the local team isn’t playing. I think that would make a neat drawing. I think such a facility could really make it here in Richmond, especially if they served barbecue and limeades.
Interestingly, Virginia senator George Allen did have offer an opinion on the aforementioned adoption. Allen stated, “I wouldn’t want any coloreds raising me.” Later, Allen explained that when he used the word “coloreds” he was simply coining a cute cacophony of sounds, and that the word had no meaning whatsoever. When it was suggested to the senator that his remarks could be mistaken as racist, Allen expressed shock, outrage, and even a wee bit of dismay that anyone could see anything racist in his comment.
Despite the fact that recent statements by Allen, who has been considered one of the top contenders for the 2008 Republican presidential nomination, have caused an overall dip in his poll rankings, interestingly, in the near West End of Richmond, Allen’s numbers have actually gone up. Inasmuch as I know absolutely nothing about politics and care even less, I’m not in a position to explain this apparent phenomenon.
Perhaps, the now useless city council folks could spend some time coining new phrases for George Allen to throw out at political gatherings. But then again, perhaps I should just keep my ideas to myself.