My Very Elderly Mother Just Stood Up Near Regency Square

Well, they’ve gone and done it. We talked about it last week. Pluto is gone. Just like that. A bunch of brainiacs get together for some international geek-fest and they decide for the rest of us that Pluto is not a planet.
I will not take this sitting down. They want to call Pluto a dwarf planet. What happened to political correctness? If I were to call Jeff Gordon a dwarf NASCAR driver, I’d be branded as being some sort of midget bigot.
But, if these scientists want to call Pluto a dwarf, that’s a different story. Sure, go right ahead. Well, Pluto will always be a full-fledged planet in my book.
But, enough about Pluto, I have other things on my mind today. For one thing, have you been to Regency Square shopping center lately? If not, don’t. It’s kinda sad, to us long time Richmond area residents, anyway, just how dilapidated Regency Square has become. I didn’t notice it until last week, but I think it would be appropriate to start calling Regency Square Cloverleaf Mall, Junior.
I’ve seen this coming for some time. The nice clothing stores are being replaced by such upscale establishments as the As Seen on TV Store. Can dollar-a-week-TV-rental stores be far behind? Or, perhaps Cash-A-Check Centers?
And the kiosks are hideous. The merchants hide behind their stalls and then as you stroll past them, they jump out at you and try to entice you to come over and play with their tumbling trucks, or smell their knock-off perfumes, or feel some sort of spongy thing. Maybe, Regency Square should be called Tijuana East.
I know they have done some sprucing up inside, but on the outside, it’s downright shabby. And, even though they’ve spruced it up inside, it’s still, in my humble opinion, dirty. I was unable to make use of the restroom facilities yesterday because there wasn’t a non-filthy stall in the house…at least in the men’s room. I hesitate to use the ladies’ room. If you’re wondering why restrooms play such an important role in my life, go ask anyone still living who is over fifty.
There is one renovation the folks at Regency Square have made that sort of leaves me scratching my head. I saw it for the first time on Friday. As I was entering the Sears store, I noticed a sign on the big glass doors. It read, “Automatic Door. Pull to Operate.” Excuse me, but isn’t that pretty much how the non-automatic doors operate? Anyway, I pulled on the door and it opened right up. Isn’t modern technology wonderful?
You see, I would think that operating an automatic door by pulling it open, would be pretty much like if I had this stick and I told you the stick was a remote control device for my TV. Then, to demonstrate how my stick worked, I’d walk over to the television set and use the stick to press the power button. Then, I’d use the stick to press the channel button…I guess you get the picture. In other words, why spend money on manually operated automatic doors? Use that money to clean the restrooms.
You know, now that I reflect on all this, it seems that Regency Square has become the Pluto of shopping centers. It once was considered right up there with the big boys. It was THE big boy of area shopping centers. If something isn't soon done, something besides putting up signs that say the doors are automatic, that is, before you know it, Regency will be Azalea Mauled. And, if you're old enough to remember Azalea, then I'd better stop right now, because chances are, you need to run to the restroom.