Move Over Katie Couric

I hope this won't disappoint too many of you out there, but it looks like my columnist days are soon to be a thing of the past. I cut a demo tape today to do the news for Channel 6. They don't know about it yet, but once they get the tape, it's bye bye Smallville, hello Metropolis.
I did ask one of my nearest and dearest friends, morning anchor guy, Greg McQuake, to sit in, and critique me as I went along. And, just because I knew you all would be interested, I sat down and transcribed the tape for your reading pleasure. Without further ado, here is STEVE COOK AND THE DAILY NEWS:

STEVE: Good morning. Hey everybody. I'm going to read you the news for today. Here goes. It looks like it's going to be another hot one today, with the weatherman calling for temperatures in the low nineties.

GREG: Whoa! Hold on there, Steve. You don't give the viewers too much information all at once. If you did, they'd be out of here in a flash.

STEVE: All I did was say the temperature would be in the low...

GREG: Shhh. Keep that info under wraps for now, little Buddy. What you should say is, "It's going to be a scorcher today. How hot will it get? Stick around and we'll tell you. But, keep in mind, it's going to be horrible." Do you see how much better that sounds?

STEVE: Kinda. But, anyway, let me continue with the news. NBC is taking some flak today over its plane crash sketch that opened last night's Emmy telecast. Many complaints were received as the sketch came on the heels of a real plane crash.

GREG: Steve, may I be the first to say that you really are very bad at this?

STEVE: Well, I appreciate your frankness. I guess. But what's so bad?

GREG: You took a fairly good story and made it booorrrring. Here, tell me why this is so much better..."Why do so many people hate NBC this morning? Stickaround and we'll tell you. But, keep in mind, NBC will probably have to lay most of its employees off." Yes! I nailed it! Did you hear the anguish, the horror in my voice?

STEVE: Yeah, I heard it, but I'm not so sure it's what was needed for that story.

GREG: Steve, Steve, Steve. My naive, and untalented little friend. You're telling me, Greg McQuake, what makes for a good story. Why that's like the pot calling the kettle black, isn't it?

STEVE: No, I don't really think it's like a pot calling a kettle black. It might be like John Bernier telling Jim Duncan that it's going to be in the low nineties today.

GREG: Stop it! You're just plain evil. You just had to give the temperature again, didn't you. And you had to mention those two guys, as if our weatherman, you know, what's his name, wasn't as important as they are. You really do have a cruel streak in you. Now I know why Julie never liked you.

STEVE: Can I just get back to this audition tape?

GREG: Yeah, right. As if you had a chance in, well, nevermind. Let me show you a thing or two about news reporting. "Greg McQuake here. What local editor of some puny little magazine had his lights punched out today by Richmond's leading morning anchor? Stick around and I'll tell you, but first, I have to go punch someone's lights out.

Well, the tape abruptly ends at this point. But, I've watched it a few times, and, personally, I think it's pretty good. But, now that I've had a chance to play it for you, sort of, I'd like your opinion. If you really like it, you'll call channel 6 and ask them to fire Greg McQuake, my nearest and dearest friend, and give me a shot at this news thing. I think I'm kind of a natural. But, that's just one man's (me) opinion.