A Shocking Steve Cook Expose

With all the recent hubbub surrounding the Samuel Alito Supreme Court nomination hearings, I feel that maybe it’s time that I make a little admission. Alito has been accused of belonging to an all-male organization in his younger days. Interestingly, one of his accusers, Ted Kennedy, was discovered as also belonging to an all-male organization.
I did a little soul searching, and while I don’t think there’s a Supreme Court judgeship in my future (although, I think I’d make a good one), I feel that it would be the course of wisdom to admit that I too belonged to an all-male organization in my younger days.
In retrospect, it was probably not a wise idea to join, but, in all fairness, most of us have done some dumb things in our youth. While the organization to which I belonged was not really a secret society, we did have our own little special secret gestures to identify ourselves to fellow members. In our rather clandestine meetings, we even wore special garments, no doubt in an effort to create solidarity.
At the time, I didn’t think of this organization as being a breeding ground for terrorism. But, I have to admit, I was trained in the use of ropes and knives, which, as we all know, are the mainstays of a good many terrorists.
We were also taught survival skills, no doubt to equip us for excursions behind enemy lines. But, again, due to the foolishness of youth, I just didn’t comprehend the evil scope of the training I was receiving at the time.
In an effort, no doubt, to suppress any doubts or guilt that I, or my comrades, might be feeling, this organization used a very cunning reward system. Our achievements in honing these potentially murderous skills were celebrated. We even received badges, which we proudly pinned to our uniforms.
I know. I know. I should have figured it all out, but I didn’t. I never suspected the hideously deceitful aims of this malevolent organization. I have somewhat of an explanation as to how I could have so unwisely allowed myself to be completely duped. But, the explanation is so shameful that I hate to bring it up. However, I truly do want to get this whole sordid affair from my younger days out in the open, so I’m going to reveal something now, which I don’t think I’ve ever discussed with anyone, at least not since I left this all-male organization. If you hate me after reading this, so be it. At least, in my mind and heart, I’m doing the honorable thing.
I’ve said it was an all-male organization. That’s not entirely true. What is true is that all of my comrades-in-arms were male. But, we were directed, trained, brainwashed (if you will) by a woman. That’s right. We pathetic little males let a woman lead us down a path that could have been potentially disastrous, not only for ourselves, but for countless others, victims of our unspeakable aims.
You would think that having admitted all this, that it would be fairly easy to tell you the rest of the story. The truth is the next, the final secret, is almost unbearable to think about. You see, in my own, very disturbing personal case, that woman, yes, the very woman who trained me, who directed me, who cajoled me into developing skills that could only be fully utilized by a fanatic, bent on world destruction, that woman (gulp, I’m going to say it), was my very own mother.
And that my friends, is truly the rest of the story of my involvement, many years ago, in the Cub Scouts.