Go East Young Anonymous

I did a blog last week in which I mentioned Richmond's East End. Anonymous, from who knows where, replied that he or she had always thought the stories of the East End were merely fables. Obviously, Anonymous has never visited the East End. In this regard he or she is not unlike many who have lived in Richmond for years.
So, as a public service, I will take you on a virtual tour of Richmond's East End. First, the question always comes up in any discussion of the East End, "How do you get there?" This is the tricky part, because in order to get there, from virtually any part of the Metro area, you're almost going to have to head East. If you go in the morning, just head towards the sun. In the afternoon, the sun will be at your back. Keep that simple rule in mind, and keep heading east. Yes, you'll probably travel through some sections of town you've never seen, but just keep going.
Next question, "How will I know when I get there?" That's easy. Look for the Confederate flags. Admittedly, there are some sections of the East End where you'll never see the Stars and Bars, but that's only the geographical East End. The true East End is a state of mind as much as it's a physical location.
And, in that state of mind, the South doesn't need to rise again...it's never fallen. True, the war still rages, but the South still reigns supreme. In the true East End, the term "boys in the hood," has an entirely different meaning than Spike Lee had in mind.
There is one thing that you'll find to be more prevalent in the East End than the Rebel flag, and that's Dale Earnhardt memorabilia. I'm not talking about Junior, although he's also very big in the East End. I'm talking the real thing, Dale, Sr. Don't be fooled, every other street in the East End is not really Dale Earnhardt Boulevard. Those are fake signs, and they're as popular in the East End as satellite dishes are in West Virginia.
East Enders are very inventive. You won't believe the number of different ways you can pay homage to "Number Three" on personalized license plates.
Something else that you'll find in great abundance in the East End are Bubbas. Every family has at least one Bubba, and often there are two or three, as in Little Bubba and Bubba, Junior. If you don't believe me, just go in the middle of any Dollar General store and yell, "Bubba." Watch how many heads you'll turn.
However, I have to warn you, before you enter Dollar General, or any of the other upscale boutiques in the East End, if you have any allergies to hairspray, don't go. The East End women have an affinity for the stuff, and they are particularly partial to the industrial strength sprays. I know that if you were to fire a bullet into their beehives or buns (not that you should ever contemplate anything like that), the bullet would be unable to penetrate East End hair.
Anonymous stated that he/she had thought of the East End as the stuff fables are made of. Not at all. The East End is real. It's made up of real people, living real lives. They drive real cars, watch real TV shows (not that skating with the celebreties garbage) and listen to real music (like Hank, Sr.) The East End is worlds apart from the West End, but as far as being real, it has the West End beat hands down.
In the East End, an upscale restaurant is one where the toothpicks come in protective cellophane wrapping. East End restaurants don't have no-smoking sections. In order to comply with the law, they will offer a no-smoking table, but that's only for West Enders and other foreigners who stop by. And, here's a little hint to you non-smokers, don't ask for the no-smoking table, ask for the smoking table closest to the no-smoking table.
There are East Enders who will come into the West End to shop, or work, or even play. But in the East End they'll honestly tell you, "The West End's a great place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there."
If you've never visited the East End, why not get the family together and make plans to spend your next vacation there. There's a great little motel. It still advertises that it offers free TV and steam heat, and It even has those magic finger beds.